Bla, I take it back. Eat Pray Love can EAT me.

In a previous blog I ranted about women in movies and the lack of integral roles to be found that did not need to circle around a man. I stand by that rant. I also ranted about womens interests being met with ridicule because they are for women. I stand by that too.
What I want to take back is the example of Eat Pray Love as something women should hold on high because it is by woman for woman. Thsssp-after watching it I was remnded why I don't like a lot of female driven movies: they stink. I fast forwarded through much of Eat Pray Love praying that it would end soon.

Remember the "Bechdel Test"?
1. Does the movie have at least 2 women in it?
2. Do they talk to each other?
3. Is that conversation about anything other then a man?
Newer criteria:
4. Do the women have names?

I now realise the flaw of my arguement, even I can't stand and make fun of chick flicks. The usual chick flick involves a heap of unrealistic dialog and a side of irrational overreaction. I have not yet met a person who talks with the level of drama that is found in these scripts (if I did I would have to punch them in the face as they would be intolerable ) nor the most high strung of us to spaz out as they do in the movies.

Are many of the big ticket draws for me men? Yup. Does it urk me that women are displayed as spastic, whimsical drama queens? Yup. I get that some need that dose of unrealism to shine up the world.
I am not one of those girls (clearly), I have my feet planted firmly on the ground and am not waiting for a prince to rescue me.

Therefore, I call actress's out there to pull an Angleina. That's right-Miss Jolie picks roles that allow her to kick ass, be tough or challenginly dramatic. She has her sexuality in her pocket, her bad ass-ness in her purse and her dramatic chops in a locket around her neck.

Who knows, maybe if more women went after roles where they weren't .... Ummm .... Ridiculous, then maybe we would see some flicks where girls can hold their own and their characters not needing to revolve around a man. Hopefully, movie makers will credit our integrity and realize that us gals talk about more then men and that we are complex awesome sex who are interesting enough to deserve the focus and after a life with a menstrual cycle-we can seriously kick ass.

What am I saying. Thssssp, even as I formulate this in my head I can hear the collective voices of the feminin defending their right to be girly and to watch mush. It is like paparazzi, they wouldn't have killed Princess Di if people weren't so eager to see the photos. Fine, we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

I guess men have wrestling.

Burlesque. Moulin Rouge meets Chicago and everything that Nine should have been but wasn't.

I think when Christina Aguilera bit off a piece of Moulin Rouge with Lady Marmalade, the taste lingered.  Burlesque has many of the same elements of Moulin Rouge without the craziness (sadly, without the heart as well), or a jazzed up Chicago.  The songs are upbeat and might have me hunting down the soundtrack after Christmas. Likewise the chorography is sharp and stylish and a lot of fun to watch. Between the costumes, the showmanship and the songs – they put on a damn good show.

That being said - it's a noble acting start for X-Tina, but don't be expecting heaps of accolades. She stole the show on stage but when required to 'act' she didn't sell me much more that my ticket price. The main credit I will throw her way is that, to an extent, I bought the sweet farm girl thing and had to remind my self that she was Miss.'Diiirty'. (Umm, I guess it's Mrs. Diiirty now that she is married). Also, nice job on the executive producer of music for the film - I already said I liked the songs, a lot.  Could have done without some of Christina Auguileras vibratos – holly man that girl likes her own voice.

Awesome part for Cher - couldn't have cast that sucker any better and she looks amazing! In fact, the whole cast was pretty awesome - Stanley Tucci and Kristin Bell are standouts to me. Overall, fun movie but it's popcorn without the butter - filling and tasty but with something missing. It tries to move you and ends up only giving a light push equivalent to a toddler’s angst. But not everything has to tap your soul; some things just need to be fun and shiny.

Thank you Burlesque, for filling the hole in my expectations that Nine left me with. I am, at last, satisfied with a new musical.

PS: If you want a sample of the treat that is the Burlesque soundtrack, I recommend “Express” (X-Tina), “Show Me How You Burlesque”(X-Tina), “Welcome to Burlesque” (Cher)

Realistic seasonal greetings

Tis the season for warm tidings and well wishing... But have you noticed that much of the sentiments are rather repetitive and generic? "May you have a joyous holiday season." or "May you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year." Nice thought but hardly practical and rarely sincear.

I've come up with some more grounded, realistic seasonal tidings most of us can relate to. Since most seem to start with "May you" that is how I will format my little list.

May you / your:
May you have a block heater and proper length of outdoor extention cord.


May you have the snow in your driveway be the light powdery kind while the type in your yard is the denser snowball packin type.

May your car always start at 10pm after it's been sitting in a parking lot for 8 hours.
In addition; should the situation call for it, may you have jumper cables and a running vehicle attached to the other end.


May you not have the snow plow push SH!T into your driveway after you finish shoveling the darn thing.

May you have fuzzy gloves, dry boots and a thick winter coat.
And a toque, and snow pants, and ear muffs, and chap stick...

May you nOT have to enter a Walmart on the 24th.

May you rejoice as the line at Future Shop on boxing day is short.

May you have good winter tires.
If not then BCAA and let there be no cement barriers in the impending snow bank.

May you remember to always grab a cart. Seriously, just grab a damn cart (you know you will need it).

May you be safe in the knowledge that the Santa that has been watching you all year lives at the North Pole and not across the road.

May you not do irreconcilable damage to a retail employee because the stress of this joyous season is breaking your mind.
Alternatively, may you not need to because s/he is chatting to the person 3 people ahead of you about a boy/girlfriend, meanwhile scanning the purchases at a rate of 1 minute.

May you not forget the cranberry sauce.

May you fill up with the feeling that you had at age 4 when you light up the Christmas tree.
Also, may the needles stay ON your tree till Jan 2nd.

That concludes my list, maybe a few less people will talk like 50 cent Christmas cards this year.

Your welcome.

"Skyline" I Could Fart a Better Movie

Wednesday afternoon I saw a trailer for the movie "Skyline", after I was kinda thinking "Wow, for the special effects extravaganza that it is - I am surprised that they didn't draw a better cast." Seriously Ed Balfour as the main draw? With that dopey kid from "Clueless"?

Interesting choices.

Since my good buddy works at the movie theater, she snuck me into the staff pre-screen so I could give it a watch. After seeing the movie, I get it.

They couldn't PAY someone with any real talent to be in this movie. Literally.

Dialog = crap. Logic = crap. Acting = (you guessed it) Crap. It was utterly predictable, to the point where I could guess who was going to be next to die - it's nice when they add an extra character right on time to bump them off... not that they needed to, because I didn't give two shits for any of the main characters.
In my opinion, they ripped off aspects of better movies (War of the Worlds, District 9, Cloverfield) and did them no justice. This movie is the type that takes a genre and makes it a laughable stereotype - this movie does for Alien flicks what strippers do to woman's lib- undermines the creditability that others have worked hard to achieve.  The only saving grace that stopped me from walking out of the theater was the special effects, while they have NOTHING on District 9, they were shiny.

I guess if I could put the continuity issues, the bad casting, the rip offs and the garbage ending out of my mind then... no, wait. I don't want to. I'm glad I didn't pay to watch this because I could fart a better movie.

Save your money and go rent Scott Pilgrim VS the World.