POOPIN' IN MY YARD!

Soooo, my neighbour came over to complain that my cats are crapping in his yard. (Can you imagine? Oh the HUMANITY!!! A cat, pooping, outside? ) Given the number of cats roaming around-I am unsure it is, in fact, my cats. I did not know how to respond to him... here are some possibilities:

Philosophically: if a cat shits in your yard-but there is no around to see it, did it really happen?


Star Wars: these are not the cats you are looking for...


Jane Austin-ish: a cat in possession of shit must be in want of a place to shit.


As Sherlock Holmes:"It's the curious incident of the cat pooping in the night time." 
"The cat did no pooping in the night time"
"THAT was the curious incident."

As a fatalist: It was predetermined by fate and therefore unavoidable.

Harry Potter: They are very clever kitties marking the entrance to an underground passageway to the shrieking shack! OR Just wingardium leviosa that shit over the fence.

Mathematically: If X=cat poop and Y=me caring, then by direct relationship X ceases to exist.


Ancient Egyptian: The revered kitty has chosen you-BE HONOURED (or sacrificed, you pick)!

As someone (me) who noticed that someone (him) was obviously shittered at 3pm: Are you sure it wasn't you?


He then suggested a put a kitty litter box outside. Really? I have gardens. Ta-daaaaa, Best. Kitty. Litter. Box. Ever. But I couldn't say that, I'm not TRYING to start a civil war. So I suggest that, possibly, a kitty litter box outside might just attract more cats.
To that, his reply was: "I come in peace". Again, wasn't sure how to respond to that, sooo... a few thoughts jumped into my head:

CREEPING SHITS MAN!!! My neighbour is an alien and is going to beam my cats to the mother ship! I should teach them to use a camera.... 


I should start wearing tinfoil on my head...

I thought your wife's name was Anne?

Clearly, I take the concerns of my neighbours quite seriously.