50 book challenge, final 2012 edition.

Ahhhh, the end of 2012. World didn't end but more importantly... I finished the 50 book challenge. (Closed the cover on Atonement December 28th) Here are the last 10 books to finish off my year and I pasted the first 40 at the bottom, just in case anyone is interested.

41. The Road - Cormac McCarthy
Recomended by: Jenny
Drama
I had tried reading this before and felt like all that was good in the world had been sucked from it so... I  didn't finish it. Left it in my gym bag.
This go round it was apart of a book club and I figured with so many of us reading it, possibly not so bleak. (I don't know WHY I thought power in numbers would make this a less sunshine stealing read... ) Not only did I finish it but seeing as it was part of a book club, I actually thought about it after I put it down. Might be why I didn't get anything out of it the first time.
Not that I ever plan on reading it again.
Because I don't.

42. Odd Hours - Dean Koontz
43. Odd Apocalypse - Dean Koontz
Recomended by: ME!
Horror/mystery
I love Odd Thomas-he's one of my favourite protagonists EVER! Which is why I am so sad that these 2 might be the beginning of the end for me. Odd is Odd but Mr Koontz is taking him into a more supernatural world (time travel / multi verse) that I am not sure I am willing to follow to. I really like the ordinary guy with an extraordinary power who finds himself in unusual situations which he handles with charm and wit.
Unusual, not si-fi. I understand wanting to build a story arc... and I will read the next book... but, with less enthusiasm.

44. Casual Vacancy-J.K. Rowling
Recommended by: HARRY POTTER
Drama
Author of my favourite book series EVER comes out with an adult book-if anyone thought I would not read this... do you know me AT ALL?
What you've probably heard is that it is as far from Harry as it gets. Yes, but I think that was the idea. What you may not have heard is that this was a good book. Do not expect Harry Potter wit and humour, expect a work of fiction that gives a very frank commentary on how people think.
Oh there is plot too.
What I took away from this read was the point blank way she writes the selfish little thoughts that go through peoples heads and how oblivious we can be to our own character.

45. Artemis Fowl (Last Guardian)-Eion Colfer
Recommended by: Paul
Youth Novel
This series started out strong but has become kinda boring. Nothing made this one stand out from the 7 before it. Read the couple books-skip the series.

46. Insurgent-Veronica Roth
Recommended by: (The first in the series) Marci
Youth/si-fi
You will probably see this listed in 'if you liked the Hunger Games' type sections and it is owed. The 2 books in the series do feel A LOT like the Hunger Games, but then-Hunger Games smelled A LOT like Battle Royale. I read both series and there is room on any shelf for both-they hold their own. (Except MOCKINGJAY-that shit belongs in the trash as it is the ONLY book in my history that ruined the rest of a series for me. Seriously, I didn't even want to see the movie as the last book in the Hunger Games made me that mad. Not in a awesome or challenging way)

47. Mystic River-Dennis LeHane
Recommended by: The Patrick Kenzie books also by Dennis Lehane.
Crime / Suspense
For those of you who are unaware-Dennis Lehane is AWESOME! He wrote Shutter Island, Gone Baby Gone (one of the Patrick Kenzie books) and Mystic River. All really good movies-all REALLY good books!
I hadn't read this one as of yet only because I had seen the movie when it came out and wanted significant time between the 2 to forget the finer parts as to better enjoy the book. Glad I did! This book, like his others, hit me in the gut and made me take notice.

48. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
Recommended by..... all the people going on and on about the damn movie.
Drama
Okay, I get the hype. It was a really good book and takes a very readable but potent look at how black people where treated during that time. I am not going to say any more in it other then I enjoyed and recommend it. There has been enough chatter about it already.

49. Great Sherlock Holmes Stores-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Recommended by: Kiersten
Mystery
It's Sherlock Holmes, you had better of heard of it and know of it awesomeness. I just started reading them again because my niece has recently discovered them and I was excited with her. I am reading another anthology right now....

50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
I loved the movie and it was the movie that made me seek out the novel. Again-waited a respectable amount of time to blur the details and WHAM! Read the book-so good. Makes me give wild respect to the makers of the movie as they really got the feel of the novel right!
I love it when a plan comes together!!!!

So end the list. The 50. ahhhh... I so happy.




************the first 40***************

1. 11/22/63-Stephen King. Oh I loves me some Uncle Stevie! Many of my very favourite books come from this man (Dark Tower series, The Stand, It) and he did not disappoint with is one! It`s another case of wanting to continue to hear a characters voice after the book is done. Like "The Stand" (another character voice I miss hearing) there is no possibility for a sequel but I enjoyed the time I had with Jake. Also, fellow fans of "It"-you may want to pick this up, and be pleasantly surprised. Highly recommend!
PS: For the record, I noticed the reuse of the name Jake in reference to a character who leaves their own time / space. There are other worlds then these.

2. Lord of the Rings-Fellowship of the Ring
3. Lord of the Rings-Two Towers
4. Lord of the Rings-Return of the King.  Classic series, I had tried to read them before but I couldn't get into them... didn't even get through Fellowship to tell you the truth. But I decided to give it another go and found this time much different. My guess is that playing in the genre with book series like "A Song of Ice and Fire"-George RR Martin, "The Kingkiller Chronicles"-Patrick Rothfuss and the "Inheritance Sequence"-Christopher Paolini, set me up to get along better with LOTRs.
Wow, the Ents got screwed in the movie. Just Sayin'.

5. Pawn of Prophecy
6. Queen of Sorcery
7. Magician's Gambit
8. Castle of Wizardry
9. Enchanters' End Game- David Eddings. This series, better known as the Belgariad, feels to me like Fantasy  reading for beginners. They are easy reads, highly entertaining and I think a bit of an influence for many of my favourite, more current, series. Example: I can't help but see *Silk as a less evolved **Locke Lamora complete with hand language and false face talents.

10. Guardians of the West
11. King of the Murgos
12. Demon Lord of Karanda
13. Sorceress of Darshiva
14. The Seeress of Kell-David Eddings.   The Malloreon series is the follow up to the Belgariad and is just as entertaining and continues with the same characters you enjoyed from the first series (A few new ones as well, of course).

15. Belgarath the Sorcerer-David  & Leigh Eddings
16. Polgara the Sorceress =David & Leigh Eddings. For fans of the above mentioned series-these 2 books tell the story of the Eternal Man and his daughter. Very interesting to see the story from their point of view and to witness major events in their history. Read only AFTER the two series otherwise they won't make much sense and won't be nearly as entertaining.

17. Internet is a Playground-David Thorne. OMG. You may know him as the 'spider guy who paid a bill with a drawing' but he is so much more.... I laughed my arse off through this compilation of his pranks / correspondence and recommend this to anyone who needs a good giggle and enjoys wit.

18. Lies of Locke Lamora
19. Red Seas Under Red Skies-Scott Lynch. Absolutely among my favourites. ALL TIME faves-and for someone who reads as much as I do, that's saying something! These two books are apart of the 'Gentleman Bastard Sequence' (the third due out... well, it's been due out for a while. The release date keeps getting pushed back but as long as it lives up to the first 2, I'll wait happily) and if you enjoy wit, creative use of language, humour and a good heist-you NEED to read these.

20. Great Expectations-Charles Dickens. I guess there is a reason that this book and stood the test of time-wow. One of the few books that made me want to reach in and shake a protagonist while also causing me to pause and ponder a paragraph. Well done sir, I tip my hat. And wish I could hug Joe. I loves me some Joe.


*Silk: Character in the Belgariad and  Malloreon Chronicles, a merchant / thief / master of disguise / guide.
**Locke Lamora: Character in Scott Lynch's series, The Gentleman Bastards.


Part 2:
21. The Phantom of the Opera-Gaston Leroux.

Drama

No one recommended this one to me, it was a part of a thrift shop $2 bag sale (seriously, two bucks for a BAG of books!!!!) and I had no idea that it was a novel before it was an Opera. Bet you didn't either! It was first published in France in 1909. Upon reading, it didn't blow my mind and I think I may have had too high of hopes for it. I had just read Great Expectations and had a naive assumption that all books that has lasted in print for over 100 years were going to be master works. Some things were explained (like hold your hands at the level of your eyes...) and it is a fuller story but...meh.

22. The Ruins-Scott Smith

Recommended by: Ed S.

Horror

I loves me some horror novels and when Ed was telling me about this book I was mentally comparing the prospect of reading it to the movie adaptation... and wasn't quite sold. But Ed has solid taste and I put the title into mind storage. I came across a copy in a book sale and was all YOINKS-mine. Right was price and I was in the mood for something dark. 

Whoa. 

For shame movie makers, you made a passing decent film from a really good book! I was able to get lost in this book for hours at a time and enjoyed it tremendously. DO NOT let the movie drive you away from this read, if you like the horror genre-pick it up.

23. 1984-George Orwell.

Recommended by: Every English teacher everywhere.

Classic

What took me so long to read this book? I won't insult this book by trying to blurb about it-most of you already know of its content and impact. I will say that I feel I am catching references that I previously didn't know the origins to and gave the implications thought long after finishing.

24. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang-Chelsea Handler

Recommended by: Kari-An A.

Comedy / biography

I was curious about Chelsea Handler, I don't have cable so I haven't watched her TV show but I heard the books were funny. Little raunchy, but funny. 

Ya they are! 

I am okay with a spattering of raunch among the anecdotes and practical jokes. She seems to be the kind of person I find hilarious-from afar. I would have a nervous breakdown if I were to befriend her. Want an easy read, light laugh and a bit of colour? Give it a read... if you want raunchy and to nearly piss yourself laughing-read Tucker Max.

25. Fool-Christopher Moore

Comedy fiction

Christopher Moore books are almost too funny. The first chapter or two is laugh out loud, show your neighbour on the bus type funny. Then you become desensitised to it and recognise that it is clever and funny but now it's a smile and nod.

That being said, I still love his books and appreciate the wit and humour they provide! This one is a rip on King Lear as told by Pocket, the court jester/fool. Oh, and when he warns you the book is vulgar & bawdy-he means it. And it's awesome.

26. The Hedge Knight-George RR Martin

Recommended by: Chris S.

Graphic novel / fantasy

We all know and love Mr. Martin for his 'Song of Ice and Fire' Series (if you don't, GO READ THEM) and this is based in that same world, about 100 years earlier.  Enjoyed the story... once I got the hang of reading a comic book. 

Gotta say, they shouldn't be allowed to be called novels. 

It's a big comic book. 

Seriously.

Regardless, still good and well illustrated. I found it interesting to read about the Targaryens while alive and in power. I would say give this a read to any fans of Song of Ice and Fire or any fantasy / comic book geeks.

27. The Lovely Bones-Alice Sebold

Recommended by: Jenny B

Drama

What an interesting read. I like books that have unusual narratives. Like 'The Book Thief' where Death is the unexpected narrator, (if you haven't read the Book Thief, I cannot recommend it enough. I cried, I was shocked, I was heartbroken, and I was made to feel the holocaust & war time Germany like no other media item has produced.) a dead teenager tells her story from Heaven in the lovely bones. 

I was pulled in within the first pages and was impressed. If you don't mind a tear jerker, it's worth it.

28. Assholes Finish First-Tucker Max

Recommended by: Heather via "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" fame

Comedy / biography

OMG. Just, OMG. I was looking for a birthday gift for my younger brother and had "Name of the Wind" in my hand ready to go, when I saw this book. Assholes Finish First. I was curious. I flipped it open and read the first short story....AND NEARLY PEED MYSELF. I was laughing and hoping that I wasn't attracting too much attention (no one likes the crazy lady off laughing to herself in a corner...). Now I was pretty set on "The Name of the Wind"... and I had some time to kill. So I flipped to a different short story and started reading, again: Laughed out loud. Legit. LOL. 

I was still reading, yet another story, when in line at the till at the book store and found myself desperately trying not to snort and full belly laugh. Didn't work, I was giggling like a true nutter as I purchased it. I almost didn't want to give it away-I wanted to read it!!! But after my brother was done with it, he lent it to me and WORTH THE WAIT.

Don't get me wrong, Tucker Max is an asshole and a pig. But he is damn funny.

29. Alias Grace-Margaret Atwood

Historical Fiction.

It's based on the true story of Grace Marks and well told. It would seem it was told accurately but I am no expert and the only research I've done was Wikipedia. I was interested for the historical aspect, plus its set in Canada and I respect the author.

It was good but I am not inspired to rave about it. I liked it but don't think it's a repeat read.

30. The Wind Through The Keyhole-Stephen King

Recommended by: ME. To EVERYONE.

Dark Tower (deserves its own genre)

I am a big fan of the Dark Tower series so when I was told this was coming out I nearly vibrated with excitement. For those of you who love Roland and want more of his back-story then READ THIS. It's like Wizard and Glass in that it is set during the trek to the tower with Roland telling another story to Eddie, Jake, Suzanna and Oy. It takes place very close from where Wizard and Glass leaves off (both in dark tower timeline and Roland’s youth) and while I was sorry Alain and Cuthbert didn't make an appearance, I was still thrilled with a new instalment. 

And read it super quick. 

Guess I shall just have to go back and reread the whole series with this one set as book 4.5!

Loves me some Uncle Stevie!

31. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - Tucker Max
32. Hillarity Ensues - Tucker Max
Comedy / Non fiction.
Recommended by: Me. I liked 'Assholes Finish First' THAT much.
I read these out of order which is unusual for me. These are books 1 and 3 in the series of Tucker Max tales of drunken stupors and female psychology. I think I may be psychic as  I started with "Assholes" and in my humble opinion-it was the best one. These 2 had some genuine laughs, "IHTSBIH" more then the later but dear readers-if you want a good cover to cover laugh: Go buy Assholes Finish First.
(Pst: I talk about Assholes Finish first in part 2 at the bottom of the page...)

33. The Hypnotist - Lars Kepler
Thriller / Fiction
Recommended by: Stephanie C
I think it's fair to say that Lars Kepler is meant to be the next Stieg Larsson.
(Faithful bookies-I know I don't have to add this, but I will: Stieg Larsson being the author of 'The Millennium series'.
Awwwe Cam-awnnnnn.
'Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' books if Millennium series doesn't ring a bell.)
And by that I mean: both authors are Swedish and play in the thriller genre. Grasping straw you say-neigh. Respectfully disagree  There is a LOOOONG list of sensational originals that have had their coattails ridden. (Lady Gaga/Nicki Minaj, Armageddon / Deep Impact, Beatles/Monkeys, Adele / umm,.. juries out-they're still looking. Paloma Faith maybe? Anyway, I digress). I have read 'GWTDRT' and enjoyed it, so I had no issue with purchasing 'The Hypnotist' because every now and then, the "just like <ENTER NAME OF POPULAR BOOK>" is a good thing as it gives you more of what you enjoyed previously. And Hypnotist delivers. Solid read my friends, I am particular about what says on my bookshelf and this ones a keeper.

34. Silence of the Lambs - Thomas Harris
Horror / Thriller
May lightening strike me.
I liked the movie more then the book. OMG-did that really come out of MY mouth?!?!?! Repeat it and I WILL deny it!
I was amused by how dated the book was with investigative technology but couldn't get over the fact that "it rubs the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again" wasn't in the book. It didn't grab me and it kinda felt like training wheels horror / thriller rather then the Harley I expected. Meh, this one may soon be featured in a Thrift shop near you....

35. Fallen - Lauren Kate
Supernatural Romance / Fiction.
Recommended by: Lisa H
This is one of those situations where "just like <ENTER NAME OF POPULAR BOOK>" did NOT work. After the fame of the Twilight books, coattails were ridden-HARD and put away wet. This is Twilight but with Angels. Enough said.
At least they didn't kick the dead horse that is Vampires. (so sad, it WAS a genre I respected, coveted a little even). 'Fallen" was an easy read and wasn't horribly written but I shall not be seeking any sequels. And of course, there are sequels.
PS: I will share here-When the Twilight books came out, I read them - all, in less then a week... The movies, merchandise and general vampire craze ruined it for me.

36. Fevre Dream - George RR  Martin
Graphic Novel / Horror / SciFi
Recommended by: Ryan P (the original novel)
My first taste of George RR Martin was Fevre Dream-a damn good little book about steamboats back in 1857. I am reading along, in rapture and then-VAMPIRES! One of the protagonists happens to be a vampire and it is awesome!
Pre-Twilight-by 23 years. Just sayin.
I saw the graphic novel based on the beloved (by me) book and snapped it up. Fully enjoyed it, wowsers on the illustrations. I blushed-pretty sure.

37. We Need To Talk About Kevin - Lionel Shriver
Drama
Recommended by: Stephie C
I had a suspicion in the first chapter and tried to convince myself it wasn't so through the rest of the book.
If you haven't heard about this one, it is about a high school shooting from the perspective of the SHOOTERS mother. I didn't ruin anything plot wise for you there-the book starts years after the incident, with the mother writing letters to her estranged husband trying to make sense of what happened and to cope.
It will grab you. It will suck you in. It will upset you.
Keep in mind-only a well written novel could make you care that much. This is a keeper, shall go onto my shelf in the coveted position next to my Wally Lamb books.

FYI: 'I Know This Much Is True' & "The Hour I First believed" by Wally Lamb. SUPER RECOMMEND!!! I still feel the residual emotion from the books when I see a used copy in a Value Village or Thrift shop and think "WHAT, are you doing here? You should be cherished and respected... who can I buy this for?"

38. Odd Thomas-Dean Koontz
39. Forever Odd-Dean Koontz
40. Brother Odd-Dean Koontz
Horror / SciFi
Recommended by: ME TO EVERYONE!!!!
I think you will not need psychic powers to foresee what numbers 41 & 42 will be. The last 2 books in the series.
I am rereading these as a new instalment has come out (Odd Apocalypse)  and I am putting off the satisfaction of diving into new material featuring one of my all time favourite protagonists until I have the full series fresh in my brain. Few book series have this effect on me (must reread the previous before the joy of the new: Harry Potter-Rowling, The Dark Tower-King and the Patrick Kenzie-Lehane, novels to name a few), Stormy would call it delayed gratification.
Who is Stormy? Read the books. At the very least, read the first. You will love Odd, he is witty, clever, innocent, brave and I wish I knew a real person like him.
Oh, and he sees the 'recently departed' of the world. I challenge you to read the first chapter of the first book and put it down. I dare you. He is like Lays chips-you can't have just one.

50 Book Challenge Part 3

Welcome to part three of my quest to complete the 50 book challenge! The title itself is pretty self explanatory: I accepted a challenge to read 50 books this year. Considering just how much I love my book-book-booky-books, this seemed like cake.

Is cake.

Here we go with books 31-40. (At the bottom I have reposted book titles for 1-30, for those following along....)

31. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - Tucker Max
32. Hillarity Ensues - Tucker Max
Comedy / Non fiction.
Recommended by: Me. I liked 'Assholes Finish First' THAT much.
I read these out of order which is unusual for me. These are books 1 and 3 in the series of Tucker Max tales of drunken stupors and female psychology. I think I may be psychic as  I started with "Assholes" and in my humble opinion-it was the best one. These 2 had some genuine laughs, "IHTSBIH" more then the later but dear readers-if you want a good cover to cover laugh: Go buy Assholes Finish First.
(Pst: I talk about Assholes Finish first in part 2 at the bottom of the page...)

33. The Hypnotist - Lars Kepler
Thriller / Fiction
Recommended by: Stephanie C
I think it's fair to say that Lars Kepler is meant to be the next Stieg Larsson.
(Faithful bookies-I know I don't have to add this, but I will: Stieg Larsson being the author of 'The Millennium series'.
Awwwe Cam-awnnnnn.
'Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' books if Millennium series doesn't ring a bell.)
And by that I mean: both authors are Swedish and play in the thriller genre. Grasping straw you say-neigh. Respectfully disagree  There is a LOOOONG list of sensational originals that have had their coattails ridden. (Lady Gaga/Nicki Minaj, Armageddon / Deep Impact, Beatles/Monkeys, Adele / umm,.. juries out-they're still looking. Paloma Faith maybe? Anyway, I digress). I have read 'GWTDRT' and enjoyed it, so I had no issue with purchasing 'The Hypnotist' because every now and then, the "just like <ENTER NAME OF POPULAR BOOK>" is a good thing as it gives you more of what you enjoyed previously. And Hypnotist delivers. Solid read my friends, I am particular about what says on my bookshelf and this ones a keeper.

34. Silence of the Lambs - Thomas Harris
Horror / Thriller
May lightening strike me.
I liked the movie more then the book. OMG-did that really come out of MY mouth?!?!?! Repeat it and I WILL deny it!
I was amused by how dated the book was with investigative technology but couldn't get over the fact that "it rubs the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again" wasn't in the book. It didn't grab me and it kinda felt like training wheels horror / thriller rather then the Harley I expected. Meh, this one may soon be featured in a Thrift shop near you....

35. Fallen - Lauren Kate
Supernatural Romance / Fiction.
Recommended by: Lisa H
This is one of those situations where "just like <ENTER NAME OF POPULAR BOOK>" did NOT work. After the fame of the Twilight books, coattails were ridden-HARD and put away wet. This is Twilight but with Angels. Enough said.
At least they didn't kick the dead horse that is Vampires. (so sad, it WAS a genre I respected, coveted a little even). 'Fallen" was an easy read and wasn't horribly written but I shall not be seeking any sequels. And of course, there are sequels.
PS: I will share here-When the Twilight books came out, I read them - all, in less then a week... The movies, merchandise and general vampire craze ruined it for me.

36. Fevre Dream - George RR  Martin
Graphic Novel / Horror / SciFi
Recommended by: Ryan P (the original novel)
My first taste of George RR Martin was Fevre Dream-a damn good little book about steamboats back in 1857. I am reading along, in rapture and then-VAMPIRES! One of the protagonists happens to be a vampire and it is awesome!
Pre-Twilight-by 23 years. Just sayin.
I saw the graphic novel based on the beloved (by me) book and snapped it up. Fully enjoyed it, wowsers on the illustrations. I blushed-pretty sure.

37. We Need To Talk About Kevin - Lionel Shriver
Drama
Recommended by: Stephie C
I had a suspicion in the first chapter and tried to convince myself it wasn't so through the rest of the book.
If you haven't heard about this one, it is about a high school shooting from the perspective of the SHOOTERS mother. I didn't ruin anything plot wise for you there-the book starts years after the incident, with the mother writing letters to her estranged husband trying to make sense of what happened and to cope.
It will grab you. It will suck you in. It will upset you.
Keep in mind-only a well written novel could make you care that much. This is a keeper, shall go onto my shelf in the coveted position next to my Wally Lamb books.

FYI: 'I Know This Much Is True' & "The Hour I First believed" by Wally Lamb. SUPER RECOMMEND!!! I still feel the residual emotion from the books when I see a used copy in a Value Village or Thrift shop and think "WHAT, are you doing here? You should be cherished and respected... who can I buy this for?"

38. Odd Thomas-Dean Koontz
39. Forever Odd-Dean Koontz
40. Brother Odd-Dean Koontz
Horror / SciFi
Recommended by: ME TO EVERYONE!!!!
I think you will not need psychic powers to foresee what numbers 41 & 42 will be. The last 2 books in the series.
I am rereading these as a new instalment has come out (Odd Apocalypse)  and I am putting off the satisfaction of diving into new material featuring one of my all time favourite protagonists until I have the full series fresh in my brain. Few book series have this effect on me (must reread the previous before the joy of the new: Harry Potter-Rowling, The Dark Tower-King and the Patrick Kenzie-Lehane, novels to name a few), Stormy would call it delayed gratification.
Who is Stormy? Read the books. At the very least, read the first. You will love Odd, he is witty, clever, innocent, brave and I wish I knew a real person like him.
Oh, and he sees the 'recently departed' of the world. I challenge you to read the first chapter of the first book and put it down. I dare you. He is like Lays chips-you can't have just one.


                             ****************End Part 3*******************


Let's end with the start shall we: "Opens at the close" if you will....
Part 1:


I saw this 50 book Challenge on Facebook and naturally had to jump on it. The idea is to read 50 books in 2012.

Some context: I regularly buy books as gifts. I loved 'Ink Heart' largely in part to the underlying message of taking care of books.  I have a select group of book buddies whom offer reads. I am known by name in 2 books stores in town (one new, one used). I collect book quotes with vigour. I smell books before I read them. I have a Harry Potter tattoo. Kvothe is my Facebook banner. I have a turtle of enormous girth in my garden. There is a book in EVERY room in my house. I give care instructions when lending out my books (IF I lend out my books).

So, ya. I was down to do a book challenge.

And since this is my blog, my record of the clutter in my head, here is where I will track my progress. (Too bad I can't count December... just read some awesome books-including "Kite Runner"-Khaled Hosseini, "Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse"-Robert Rankin & "Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss and I LOVE talking about Kvothe!!!!)

1. 11/22/63-Stephen King. Oh I loves me some Uncle Stevie! Many of my very favourite books come from this man (Dark Tower series, The Stand, It) and he did not disappoint with is one! It`s another case of wanting to continue to hear a characters voice after the book is done. Like "The Stand" (another character voice I miss hearing) there is no possibility for a sequel but I enjoyed the time I had with Jake. Also, fellow fans of "It"-you may want to pick this up, and be pleasantly surprised. Highly recommend!
PS: For the record, I noticed the reuse of the name Jake in reference to a character who leaves their own time / space. There are other worlds then these.

2. Lord of the Rings-Fellowship of the Ring
3. Lord of the Rings-Two Towers
4. Lord of the Rings-Return of the King.  Classic series, I had tried to read them before but I couldn't get into them... didn't even get through Fellowship to tell you the truth. But I decided to give it another go and found this time much different. My guess is that playing in the genre with book series like "A Song of Ice and Fire"-George RR Martin, "The Kingkiller Chronicles"-Patrick Rothfuss and the "Inheritance Sequence"-Christopher Paolini, set me up to get along better with LOTRs.
Wow, the Ents got screwed in the movie. Just Sayin'.

5. Pawn of Prophecy
6. Queen of Sorcery
7. Magician's Gambit
8. Castle of Wizardry
9. Enchanters' End Game- David Eddings. This series, better known as the Belgariad, feels to me like Fantasy  reading for beginners. They are easy reads, highly entertaining and I think a bit of an influence for many of my favourite, more current, series. Example: I can't help but see *Silk as a less evolved **Locke Lamora complete with hand language and false face talents.

10. Guardians of the West
11. King of the Murgos
12. Demon Lord of Karanda
13. Sorceress of Darshiva
14. The Seeress of Kell-David Eddings.   The Malloreon series is the follow up to the Belgariad and is just as entertaining and continues with the same characters you enjoyed from the first series (A few new ones as well, of course).

15. Belgarath the Sorcerer-David  & Leigh Eddings
16. Polgara the Sorceress =David & Leigh Eddings. For fans of the above mentioned series-these 2 books tell the story of the Eternal Man and his daughter. Very interesting to see the story from their point of view and to witness major events in their history. Read only AFTER the two series otherwise they won't make much sense and won't be nearly as entertaining.

17. Internet is a Playground-David Thorne. OMG. You may know him as the 'spider guy who paid a bill with a drawing' but he is so much more.... I laughed my arse off through this compilation of his pranks / correspondence and recommend this to anyone who needs a good giggle and enjoys wit.

18. Lies of Locke Lamora
19. Red Seas Under Red Skies-Scott Lynch. Absolutely among my favourites. ALL TIME faves-and for someone who reads as much as I do, that's saying something! These two books are apart of the 'Gentleman Bastard Sequence' (the third due out... well, it's been due out for a while. The release date keeps getting pushed back but as long as it lives up to the first 2, I'll wait happily) and if you enjoy wit, creative use of language, humour and a good heist-you NEED to read these.

20. Great Expectations-Charles Dickens. I guess there is a reason that this book and stood the test of time-wow. One of the few books that made me want to reach in and shake a protagonist while also causing me to pause and ponder a paragraph. Well done sir, I tip my hat. And wish I could hug Joe. I loves me some Joe.




*Silk: Character in the Belgariad and  Malloreon Chronicles, a merchant / thief / master of disguise / guide.
**Locke Lamora: Character in Scott Lynch's series, The Gentleman Bastards.


Part 2:

So if you missed it, this is part 2 of my blog about the 50 book challenge. The idea is to read 50 books in 2012 and I am blogging about what I am reading because I like receiving book recommendations and feel I should reciprocate! Part 1 has books 1-20 and this is the next 10.

I noticed this set of books had a bit of a theme-recommendation from fellow book worms. I didn't plan it that way but figured I would shout out to those who told me about these books as they were all damn good! It also proves that, yes, I do listen to you when you tell me about a really good book. It just takes me some time to work my way around to it due to various reasons: 

a) I have a long book stack and new ones hit the bottom of the pile (some exceptions of course...) 

b) It might take me a bit to find a copy as I don't normally borrow other peoples books but prefer to buy my own. Libraries are great but if it's a good read, I wanna keep a copy.

c) If it is a series, it may be too big of a commitment at the time.  HELLO Robert Jordan....

d) Might not be what I am in the mood for and was stored in my reserve memory.

21. The Phantom of the Opera-Gaston Leroux. 

Drama

No one recommended this one to me, it was a part of a thrift shop $2 bag sale (seriously, two bucks for a BAG of books!!!!) and I had no idea that it was a novel before it was an Opera. Bet you didn't either! It was first published in France in 1909. Upon reading, it didn't blow my mind and I think I may have had too high of hopes for it. I had just read Great Expectations and had a naive assumption that all books that has lasted in print for over 100 years were going to be master works. Some things were explained (like hold your hands at the level of your eyes...) and it is a fuller story but...meh.

22. The Ruins-Scott Smith

Recommended by: Ed S.

Horror

I loves me some horror novels and when Ed was telling me about this book I was mentally comparing the prospect of reading it to the movie adaptation... and wasn't quite sold. But Ed has solid taste and I put the title into mind storage. I came across a copy in a book sale and was all YOINKS-mine. Right was price and I was in the mood for something dark. 

Whoa. 

For shame movie makers, you made a passing decent film from a really good book! I was able to get lost in this book for hours at a time and enjoyed it tremendously. DO NOT let the movie drive you away from this read, if you like the horror genre-pick it up.

23. 1984-George Orwell.

Recommended by: Every English teacher everywhere.

Classic

What took me so long to read this book? I won't insult this book by trying to blurb about it-most of you already know of its content and impact. I will say that I feel I am catching references that I previously didn't know the origins to and gave the implications thought long after finishing.

24. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang-Chelsea Handler

Recommended by: Kari-An A.

Comedy / biography

I was curious about Chelsea Handler, I don't have cable so I haven't watched her TV show but I heard the books were funny. Little raunchy, but funny. 

Ya they are! 

I am okay with a spattering of raunch among the anecdotes and practical jokes. She seems to be the kind of person I find hilarious-from afar. I would have a nervous breakdown if I were to befriend her. Want an easy read, light laugh and a bit of colour? Give it a read... if you want raunchy and to nearly piss yourself laughing-read Tucker Max.

25. Fool-Christopher Moore

Comedy fiction

Christopher Moore books are almost too funny. The first chapter or two is laugh out loud, show your neighbour on the bus type funny. Then you become desensitised to it and recognise that it is clever and funny but now it's a smile and nod.

That being said, I still love his books and appreciate the wit and humour they provide! This one is a rip on King Lear as told by Pocket, the court jester/fool. Oh, and when he warns you the book is vulgar & bawdy-he means it. And it's awesome.

26. The Hedge Knight-George RR Martin

Recommended by: Chris S.

Graphic novel / fantasy

We all know and love Mr. Martin for his 'Song of Ice and Fire' Series (if you don't, GO READ THEM) and this is based in that same world, about 100 years earlier.  Enjoyed the story... once I got the hang of reading a comic book. 

Gotta say, they shouldn't be allowed to be called novels. 

It's a big comic book. 

Seriously.

Regardless, still good and well illustrated. I found it interesting to read about the Targaryens while alive and in power. I would say give this a read to any fans of Song of Ice and Fire or any fantasy / comic book geeks.

27. The Lovely Bones-Alice Sebold

Recommended by: Jenny B

Drama

What an interesting read. I like books that have unusual narratives. Like 'The Book Thief' where Death is the unexpected narrator, (if you haven't read the Book Thief, I cannot recommend it enough. I cried, I was shocked, I was heartbroken, and I was made to feel the holocaust & war time Germany like no other media item has produced.) a dead teenager tells her story from Heaven in the lovely bones. 

I was pulled in within the first pages and was impressed. If you don't mind a tear jerker, it's worth it.

28. Assholes Finish First-Tucker Max

Recommended by: Heather via "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" fame

Comedy / biography

OMG. Just, OMG. I was looking for a birthday gift for my younger brother and had "Name of the Wind" in my hand ready to go, when I saw this book. Assholes Finish First. I was curious. I flipped it open and read the first short story....AND NEARLY PEED MYSELF. I was laughing and hoping that I wasn't attracting too much attention (no one likes the crazy lady off laughing to herself in a corner...). Now I was pretty set on "The Name of the Wind"... and I had some time to kill. So I flipped to a different short story and started reading, again: Laughed out loud. Legit. LOL. 

I was still reading, yet another story, when in line at the till at the book store and found myself desperately trying not to snort and full belly laugh. Didn't work, I was giggling like a true nutter as I purchased it. I almost didn't want to give it away-I wanted to read it!!! But after my brother was done with it, he lent it to me and WORTH THE WAIT.

Don't get me wrong, Tucker Max is an asshole and a pig. But he is damn funny.

29. Alias Grace-Margaret Atwood

Historical Fiction.

It's based on the true story of Grace Marks and well told. It would seem it was told accurately but I am no expert and the only research I've done was Wikipedia. I was interested for the historical aspect, plus its set in Canada and I respect the author.

It was good but I am not inspired to rave about it. I liked it but don't think it's a repeat read.

30. The Wind Through The Keyhole-Stephen King

Recommended by: ME. To EVERYONE.

Dark Tower (deserves its own genre)

I am a big fan of the Dark Tower series so when I was told this was coming out I nearly vibrated with excitement. For those of you who love Roland and want more of his back-story then READ THIS. It's like Wizard and Glass in that it is set during the trek to the tower with Roland telling another story to Eddie, Jake, Suzanna and Oy. It takes place very close from where Wizard and Glass leaves off (both in dark tower timeline and Roland’s youth) and while I was sorry Alain and Cuthbert didn't make an appearance, I was still thrilled with a new instalment. 

And read it super quick. 

Guess I shall just have to go back and reread the whole series with this one set as book 4.5!

Loves me some Uncle Stevie!

50 Book Challenge Part 2

So if you missed it, this is part 2 of my blog about the 50 book challenge. The idea is to read 50 books in 2012 and I am blogging about what I am reading because I like receiving book recommendations and feel I should reciprocate! Part 1 has books 1-20 and this is the next 10.

I noticed this set of books had a bit of a theme-recommendation from fellow book worms. I didn't plan it that way but figured I would shout out to those who told me about these books as they were all damn good! It also proves that, yes, I do listen to you when you tell me about a really good book. It just takes me some time to work my way around to it due to various reasons: 

a) I have a long book stack and new ones hit the bottom of the pile (some exceptions of course...) 

b) It might take me a bit to find a copy as I don't normally borrow other peoples books but prefer to buy my own. Libraries are great but if it's a good read, I wanna keep a copy.

c) If it is a series, it may be too big of a commitment at the time.  HELLO Robert Jordan....

d) Might not be what I am in the mood for and was stored in my reserve memory.

21. The Phantom of the Opera-Gaston Leroux. 

Drama

No one recommended this one to me, it was a part of a thrift shop $2 bag sale (seriously, two bucks for a BAG of books!!!!) and I had no idea that it was a novel before it was an Opera. Bet you didn't either! It was first published in France in 1909. Upon reading, it didn't blow my mind and I think I may have had too high of hopes for it. I had just read Great Expectations and had a naive assumption that all books that has lasted in print for over 100 years were going to be master works. Some things were explained (like hold your hands at the level of your eyes...) and it is a fuller story but...meh.

22. The Ruins-Scott Smith

Recommended by: Ed S.

Horror

I loves me some horror novels and when Ed was telling me about this book I was mentally comparing the prospect of reading it to the movie adaptation... and wasn't quite sold. But Ed has solid taste and I put the title into mind storage. I came across a copy in a book sale and was all YOINKS-mine. Right was price and I was in the mood for something dark. 

Whoa. 

For shame movie makers, you made a passing decent film from a really good book! I was able to get lost in this book for hours at a time and enjoyed it tremendously. DO NOT let the movie drive you away from this read, if you like the horror genre-pick it up.

23. 1984-George Orwell.

Recommended by: Every English teacher everywhere.

Classic

What took me so long to read this book? I won't insult this book by trying to blurb about it-most of you already know of its content and impact. I will say that I feel I am catching references that I previously didn't know the origins to and gave the implications thought long after finishing.

24. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang-Chelsea Handler

Recommended by: Kari-An A.

Comedy / biography

I was curious about Chelsea Handler, I don't have cable so I haven't watched her TV show but I heard the books were funny. Little raunchy, but funny. 

Ya they are! 

I am okay with a spattering of raunch among the anecdotes and practical jokes. She seems to be the kind of person I find hilarious-from afar. I would have a nervous breakdown if I were to befriend her. Want an easy read, light laugh and a bit of colour? Give it a read... if you want raunchy and to nearly piss yourself laughing-read Tucker Max.

25. Fool-Christopher Moore

Comedy fiction

Christopher Moore books are almost too funny. The first chapter or two is laugh out loud, show your neighbour on the bus type funny. Then you become desensitised to it and recognise that it is clever and funny but now it's a smile and nod.

That being said, I still love his books and appreciate the wit and humour they provide! This one is a rip on King Lear as told by Pocket, the court jester/fool. Oh, and when he warns you the book is vulgar & bawdy-he means it. And it's awesome.

26. The Hedge Knight-George RR Martin

Recommended by: Chris S.

Graphic novel / fantasy

We all know and love Mr. Martin for his 'Song of Ice and Fire' Series (if you don't, GO READ THEM) and this is based in that same world, about 100 years earlier.  Enjoyed the story... once I got the hang of reading a comic book. 

Gotta say, they shouldn't be allowed to be called novels. 

It's a big comic book. 

Seriously.

Regardless, still good and well illustrated. I found it interesting to read about the Targaryens while alive and in power. I would say give this a read to any fans of Song of Ice and Fire or any fantasy / comic book geeks.

27. The Lovely Bones-Alice Sebold

Recommended by: Jenny B

Drama

What an interesting read. I like books that have unusual narratives. Like 'The Book Thief' where Death is the unexpected narrator, (if you haven't read the Book Thief, I cannot recommend it enough. I cried, I was shocked, I was heartbroken, and I was made to feel the holocaust & war time Germany like no other media item has produced.) a dead teenager tells her story from Heaven in the lovely bones. 

I was pulled in within the first pages and was impressed. If you don't mind a tear jerker, it's worth it.

28. Assholes Finish First-Tucker Max

Recommended by: Heather via "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" fame

Comedy / biography

OMG. Just, OMG. I was looking for a birthday gift for my younger brother and had "Name of the Wind" in my hand ready to go, when I saw this book. Assholes Finish First. I was curious. I flipped it open and read the first short story....AND NEARLY PEED MYSELF. I was laughing and hoping that I wasn't attracting too much attention (no one likes the crazy lady off laughing to herself in a corner...). Now I was pretty set on "The Name of the Wind"... and I had some time to kill. So I flipped to a different short story and started reading, again: Laughed out loud. Legit. LOL. 

I was still reading, yet another story, when in line at the till at the book store and found myself desperately trying not to snort and full belly laugh. Didn't work, I was giggling like a true nutter as I purchased it. I almost didn't want to give it away-I wanted to read it!!! But after my brother was done with it, he lent it to me and WORTH THE WAIT.

Don't get me wrong, Tucker Max is an asshole and a pig. But he is damn funny.

29. Alias Grace-Margaret Atwood

Historical Fiction.

It's based on the true story of Grace Marks and well told. It would seem it was told accurately but I am no expert and the only research I've done was Wikipedia. I was interested for the historical aspect, plus its set in Canada and I respect the author.

It was good but I am not inspired to rave about it. I liked it but don't think it's a repeat read.

30. The Wind Through The Keyhole-Stephen King

Recommended by: ME. To EVERYONE.

Dark Tower (deserves its own genre)

I am a big fan of the Dark Tower series so when I was told this was coming out I nearly vibrated with excitement. For those of you who love Roland and want more of his back-story then READ THIS. It's like Wizard and Glass in that it is set during the trek to the tower with Roland telling another story to Eddie, Jake, Suzanna and Oy. It takes place very close from where Wizard and Glass leaves off (both in dark tower timeline and Roland’s youth) and while I was sorry Alain and Cuthbert didn't make an appearance, I was still thrilled with a new instalment. 

And read it super quick. 

Guess I shall just have to go back and reread the whole series with this one set as book 4.5!

Loves me some Uncle Stevie!

50 Book Challenge

I saw this 50 book Challenge on Facebook and naturally had to jump on it. The idea is to read 50 books in 2012.

Some context: I regularly buy books as gifts. I loved 'Ink Heart' largely in part to the underlying message of taking care of books.  I have a select group of book buddies whom offer reads. I am known by name in 2 books stores in town (one new, one used). I collect book quotes with vigour. I smell books before I read them. I have a Harry Potter tattoo. Kvothe is my Facebook banner. I have a turtle of enormous girth in my garden. There is a book in EVERY room in my house. I give care instructions when lending out my books (IF I lend out my books).

So, ya. I was down to do a book challenge.

And since this is my blog, my record of the clutter in my head, here is where I will track my progress. (Too bad I can't count December... just read some awesome books-including "Kite Runner"-Khaled Hosseini, "Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse"-Robert Rankin & "Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss and I LOVE talking about Kvothe!!!!)

1. 11/22/63-Stephen King. Oh I loves me some Uncle Stevie! Many of my very favourite books come from this man (Dark Tower series, The Stand, It) and he did not disappoint with is one! It`s another case of wanting to continue to hear a characters voice after the book is done. Like "The Stand" (another character voice I miss hearing) there is no possibility for a sequel but I enjoyed the time I had with Jake. Also, fellow fans of "It"-you may want to pick this up, and be pleasantly surprised. Highly recommend!
PS: For the record, I noticed the reuse of the name Jake in reference to a character who leaves their own time / space. There are other worlds then these.

2. Lord of the Rings-Fellowship of the Ring
3. Lord of the Rings-Two Towers
4. Lord of the Rings-Return of the King.  Classic series, I had tried to read them before but I couldn't get into them... didn't even get through Fellowship to tell you the truth. But I decided to give it another go and found this time much different. My guess is that playing in the genre with book series like "A Song of Ice and Fire"-George RR Martin, "The Kingkiller Chronicles"-Patrick Rothfuss and the "Inheritance Sequence"-Christopher Paolini, set me up to get along better with LOTRs.
Wow, the Ents got screwed in the movie. Just Sayin'.

5. Pawn of Prophecy
6. Queen of Sorcery
7. Magician's Gambit
8. Castle of Wizardry
9. Enchanters' End Game- David Eddings. This series, better known as the Belgariad, feels to me like Fantasy  reading for beginners. They are easy reads, highly entertaining and I think a bit of an influence for many of my favourite, more current, series. Example: I can't help but see *Silk as a less evolved **Locke Lamora complete with hand language and false face talents.

10. Guardians of the West
11. King of the Murgos
12. Demon Lord of Karanda
13. Sorceress of Darshiva
14. The Seeress of Kell-David Eddings.   The Malloreon series is the follow up to the Belgariad and is just as entertaining and continues with the same characters you enjoyed from the first series (A few new ones as well, of course).

15. Belgarath the Sorcerer-David  & Leigh Eddings
16. Polgara the Sorceress =David & Leigh Eddings. For fans of the above mentioned series-these 2 books tell the story of the Eternal Man and his daughter. Very interesting to see the story from their point of view and to witness major events in their history. Read only AFTER the two series otherwise they won't make much sense and won't be nearly as entertaining.

17. Internet is a Playground-David Thorne. OMG. You may know him as the 'spider guy who paid a bill with a drawing' but he is so much more.... I laughed my arse off through this compilation of his pranks / correspondence and recommend this to anyone who needs a good giggle and enjoys wit.

18. Lies of Locke Lamora
19. Red Seas Under Red Skies-Scott Lynch. Absolutely among my favourites. ALL TIME faves-and for someone who reads as much as I do, that's saying something! These two books are apart of the 'Gentleman Bastard Sequence' (the third due out... well, it's been due out for a while. The release date keeps getting pushed back but as long as it lives up to the first 2, I'll wait happily) and if you enjoy wit, creative use of language, humour and a good heist-you NEED to read these.

20. Great Expectations-Charles Dickens. I guess there is a reason that this book and stood the test of time-wow. One of the few books that made me want to reach in and shake a protagonist while also causing me to pause and ponder a paragraph. Well done sir, I tip my hat. And wish I could hug Joe. I loves me some Joe.




*Silk: Character in the Belgariad and  Malloreon Chronicles, a merchant / thief / master of disguise / guide.
**Locke Lamora: Character in Scott Lynch's series, The Gentleman Bastards.

On Listening.

Just something I was pondering today and since this is my blog, existing to purge my brain of its randomness-I shall vomit up my opinion. There is a huge difference between listening and hearing. Seems people have problem differentiating. If you don’t know the difference, maybe the following conversational types can give you a hint:

I cant wait for you to stop talking because I have something better to say and not only is it more interesting, it’s about me. 

I pulled this statement out of a joke e-mail I got a while ago but it ceased to be funny after I noticed so many people doing it.

Sure sure, me telling a story might inspire you to share a similar opinion or experience but have some courtesy. Maybe I am telling you something important to me-let me tell it.  This goes both ways, after I have told it, I need to listen. My favourite tactic is for someone to signal they have input or say something like “Remind me I have a story when you’re done”. By Jove I shall! For this is an exquisite sharing of thought!

Interrupting Cow. 

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh… MOO.

Bad school yard joke but it seems to apply and is one worse over “Can’t wait for you to stop talking”. It features the speaker getting cut off mid-sentence, for the other to talk. One thing to interject statements demonstrating you either agree or disagree (shows you’re paying attention and that’s nice) but it’s something else to cut the person off or talk over them. Even in a discussion where the topic is meant to go back and forth, let the person finish their thought before contributing. Nothing says “I don’t give a flying fuck about your opinion” like not letting them finish a thought.

Over-Talker: 

Someone who seems to need to talk while you are talking but just talks LOUDER.  An even ruder Interrupting cow, if you will.

Ghost in a room. 

Say something relevant to a conversation and get no response but then someone else will say the exact thing and will get recognition. Is it that I am not talking LOUD enough? Is it that you just don’t respect my opinion and choose to tune me out? Ouch to the second.  Ghosts, in my opinion, will either clam up and quit talking or become an over-talker in desperation to be heard.

One way mirror. 

How fun is a conversation when it is constantly about the other person. You listen. And listen. You bring up something relevant to you and get an ‘interrupting cow’ back in your face.  Having someone who listens is a privilege and can be abused.  How many of you does it take to change a light bulb? One. You hold it and let the world revolve around you.

One upper. 

No matter how relevant your story-theirs is more so. No matter how dire your situation-theirs is more so. No matter how interesting your anecdote is-theirs is more so. No matter how witty your adage-theirs is more so. No matter how informative your conversation is-theirs is more so. Note: one-uppers use ‘actually’, ‘essentially’ and ‘as a matter of fact’ A LOT. Not to be confused with a pompous ass.

Pompous Ass: 

Worst. These are people who will inform you that you are, in fact, wrong. There is a special ring of hell reserved for you my friend-in my mind at least. Opinions can’t be wrong, they’re opinions. FYI: Opinion: A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Fact: A thing that is indisputably the case, can be proven.

Dear Pompous Ass and One-Upper.

We all understand you think you are just SO much cleverer and smarter than the rest of us. But remember, Smartie threw a party and NOBODY CAME.

Love, Me.

PS: Doesn't mean you are.

I’m not lecturing anyone or swearing innocence myself but awareness amazes. When something is brought to your attention, at times, it’s enough to change a habit. We all want to be heard, we all need relevance and sometimes when those things are missing-people go to a bad place.

Just sayin’ 

On Gym habits.

Striving ever onward to improve myself in as many ways possible I find myself at the gym quite often. (More often find myself in  a book but carrying on...) Can't help but notice the gym sub-culture. Some observations:

1. Young muscle-y boys work out in threes. 

Seriously, I see little testosterone 3 packs all over the gym. Why? I understand groups of 2's... one lifting and one spotting, Mr #3 seems to wonder space-eyed. What is that third dude for? Admiration? Cheerleader? Territory protection? The ride home?

2. TV combat zone. (AKA: The cardio area)

Mr Remote gnome: It's bizzare-the game or CNN is usually on but you never see them touch the remote. They're like Santa.

Ms/Mr Don't give a shit: Could care less what is on the TV,  has a book, magazine or I-pod and is ready to get it done. On a mission. Twin sibling to Ms/Mr Whatever's on.

Ms Uber polite: Doesn't like watching sports or the Simpson's so she holds the remote up and looks everyone in the eye intoning "Is it okay? can I change it, are you watching it?" only after getting approval from everyone in the area, she changes the channel. A cousin to the less popular Ms/Mr Appearances who will ask the people directly on their right and left to convince themselves that they are, in fact, considerate. Despite the other 5 people on machines. 

Ms Tactless: I hate this bitch. There you are, sweating away, watching the game.... and she waltzes in, grabs the remote and turns it to Dr. Phil?!?! WTF. This person is responsible for the creation of the next person:

Ms Hoarder: So no one can change the channel on her during 'What Not to Wear' she grabs up all the remote controls and puts them in her water bottle holder to guard. Instead of a water bottle. Priorities.

Ms Opportunist: Doesn't have cable so if she wants to watch TV, this typically "Don't give a shit" turns "Hoarder" to watch the third period uninterrupted. These people are tolerable for they rarely do it because if they were avid cable watchers they WOULD HAVE CABLE. A more pleasant niece to the irritating Auntie Addict who must  never miss an episode of The Doctors. Ever.

3.Mens mangled Tee's
What used to be regular t-shirts but now are cut or torn from the arm pit to down to the waist. Essentially turning what USED to be functioning article of clothing and turning it into a flap of cloth with a head hole and rendering it less concealing then a toga. Is it showing off your RIBS? ease of movement? ventilation? are they : the hulk, a werewolf, Mr Hyde? 

4. Loiterers.

Hanging around,  staring at TVs, chatting at the receptionist... what are you even doing here? I want to watch you and see if you even touch equipment, but then, what is weirder? The loiterer or the creeper watching the loiterer?

5. Narcissus.

I think the wall mirrors are as much a draw as the equipment-I get checking your form but there are some dudes whose eyes never leave the mirror. Watch themselves lift, watch themselves walk, watch themselves drink... so entranced by their epic-ness that fire could erupt and they would still be admiring themselves.

6. The Grunter.

Soooooo, away you go, doing the circuit when you hear moaning and grunting that could make a school girl blush OR yelling that alarms / startles you. Sweet Lord what are they doing???? You look, and not much. They are just very loud about it. Louder then your i-pod. Men for the most part. Actually, men for every part. Get too many of these guys together and your gym now sounds like a bordello.

7&8 Biblets.

You know 'em. The gals who show up at the gym to ogle or flirt with men. The shallow airheads MUST have a hot BF... right? BAH. Their 'gym clothes' are a bit inappropriate (even less so that those mangled tee's) and they have accessories on (dangle earrings? Really?) and they don't seem to be working hard at ANYTHING. Wouldn't want to ruin their make up or hair. GTFO.

The male version of this can normally hide themselves in with the Narcissus and loiterers until their prey comes along and they can flex in their mangled tee and be generally impressive. GTFO.

Both of you, go find some herpes infested bar to do your trolling.  

Just thought-what if the grunters are the mating call for the biblets? Gross.

9. Swingin' Dicks.

Oh you've seen them-strutting around, like they own the place. Looking irritated, talking to the weights, knuckles dragging on the matt behind them. Touchier then ANY female ever known PMS'ing-I give these guys a WIDE berth. With any luck you won't tempt the bull and they will move onto talking to a nice mirror instead of bothering with you.

10. Unwanted leavings.

Mr Sir-Sweats-A-Lot leaves the equipment and is off to socialise with some loiterers watching TV. COME ON-etiquette people, clean the bench. 

VS

Mr Gonna-Sit-On-The-Equipment-All-Day. He's done his reps. He's done his set. He's got his 'swell' on. He's got view of the mirror... and he's now-texting. 1. Get off the equipment so someone else can use it. 2. Why do you have your phone, are you an ambitious loiterer? 3. GET OFF YOUR PHONE SOCIAL SALLY-so you have an i-phone, we are super impressed. Really.

Application to creep.

So, a few (let us not define few, hmm?) months ago I lost my job and have been mildly bored since. My days are full of job hunting, resume overhauls, facebook games and reading.

You get the picture.

So now, an interesting situation has arisen-and noting obvious boredom issue-I am pondering on it. And using it horrendously as a temporary pass-time.
OK, here's the situation (no-my parents did NOT go on a weeks vacation but it WOULD be cool if they had a brand new porsche...) and again I find myself unsure on how to respond. A relative stranger (ex customer at my former workplace, Blockbuster) approaches me and says I look surprisingly good (backhanded compliment much?) and asks if I have found a job yet.
No, I reply-because I don't.
Obviously.
He then proceeds to give me his phone number while muttering about having 'good money' and 'if you ever need something' to give him a call. Many conclusions / scenarios pop into my head:

1. Nice philanthropist who REALLY appreciated having the right movie to complete his evenings and make them Blockbuster nights.
2. He was looking for the application form filed under 'sugar daddy'.
3. He is recruiting plus sized prostitutes.
4. He is apart of a pyramid scheme and wants me to sell Amway.
5. He is a financial consultant and is after my MOUNDS of EI cash.
6. He is a bankruptcy trustee (filth) and lies in wait for his commission off my eminent downfall resulting from lack of work.
7. I look waaaaaay older then I am and that was the MOST awkward intro line EVER.
8. Psychopath who wants to rub the lotion on the skin.
9. Part of a mob run reverse-Russian-mail-order-bride-scheme. I hear they like em robust over there.
10. He was looking for a babysitter for his grand kids.

POOPIN' IN MY YARD!

Soooo, my neighbour came over to complain that my cats are crapping in his yard. (Can you imagine? Oh the HUMANITY!!! A cat, pooping, outside? ) Given the number of cats roaming around-I am unsure it is, in fact, my cats. I did not know how to respond to him... here are some possibilities:

Philosophically: if a cat shits in your yard-but there is no around to see it, did it really happen?


Star Wars: these are not the cats you are looking for...


Jane Austin-ish: a cat in possession of shit must be in want of a place to shit.


As Sherlock Holmes:"It's the curious incident of the cat pooping in the night time." 
"The cat did no pooping in the night time"
"THAT was the curious incident."

As a fatalist: It was predetermined by fate and therefore unavoidable.

Harry Potter: They are very clever kitties marking the entrance to an underground passageway to the shrieking shack! OR Just wingardium leviosa that shit over the fence.

Mathematically: If X=cat poop and Y=me caring, then by direct relationship X ceases to exist.


Ancient Egyptian: The revered kitty has chosen you-BE HONOURED (or sacrificed, you pick)!

As someone (me) who noticed that someone (him) was obviously shittered at 3pm: Are you sure it wasn't you?


He then suggested a put a kitty litter box outside. Really? I have gardens. Ta-daaaaa, Best. Kitty. Litter. Box. Ever. But I couldn't say that, I'm not TRYING to start a civil war. So I suggest that, possibly, a kitty litter box outside might just attract more cats.
To that, his reply was: "I come in peace". Again, wasn't sure how to respond to that, sooo... a few thoughts jumped into my head:

CREEPING SHITS MAN!!! My neighbour is an alien and is going to beam my cats to the mother ship! I should teach them to use a camera.... 


I should start wearing tinfoil on my head...

I thought your wife's name was Anne?

Clearly, I take the concerns of my neighbours quite seriously. 

On Criminal, Britney Spears.

So, I heard there was a new Britney Spears song out and I.... ignored it. Really, it's Britney. Relevance = zilch for me right now. I had a couple people tell me not to bother with it, it sucks. Umm, Okay-can't wait to NOT hear it.

But like any good critic I then HAD to listen to it to have an INFORMED opinion (even if it is negative). I hate it when someone bags on something they have not experienced! It's like using curse words in a debate-once you've stooped there, you cred is gone.

Then I listened again. Damn it.

What are they talking about? This is the first Britney Spears song I've LIKED in years. All the tracks she's released in the last few years have been the same boring dance song with a different title.

 No, sorry, "If You Seek Amy" was NOT clever.

Entertainment Weekly's bullseye gave "Till the World Ends" good praise but I listened to it and now believe the writer has a) a vested interest in Ms. Spears gaining notoriety OR  b) is a long time fan who desperately wants her back on top.

She is coasting on her previous fame and die hard fans-hello, Mr Bullseye. Do you disagree? Quick, in one minute, name 3 Brit songs from the last 3 years and their chorus's. Can you do it? Did you have to use the 2 I mentioned above?

I can't-they all blur into one big ball of bad music.

Then came Criminal. Not a trashy lyric stockpile set to a dance beat (if I told you I wanted your body would you hold it against me? Really?) leave it to Janet who can actually pull it off. Not that Brit is a spectacular singer but you can hear her voice. You understand the words that are coming out of her mouth. It feels like a nice throw back to mellow 70's ballads not unlike Lady Gaga's awesome sidestep into a country beat with 'You and I'. Ahhh, refreshing.

Thank you i-tunes, I think I will buy this one. First Brit in a looooong time. Probably since "Womaniser".

I hope Criminal can start to do what a guest spot on Glee couldn't-give her back some relevance. Madonna survived by reinventing herself over the years, let's see if Brit can.

On weight Loss Smackdown.

63lbs in 9 months. It’s the reason I have been getting stopped in the street by people to ask, how?  ”Did you have a procedure?” Nope.  “What program did you use?” I didn’t.  “You look healthier, what are you doing?” S&S baby (sweat and sacrifice). No miracle plans, procedures or programs – I just get by with a little help from my friends.

In February my sister-in-law Christine and I pondered the idea of a weight loss contest similar to that of The Biggest Loser from TV.  Each person gives a $10 buy-in (which became the prize money) and the person who loses the most (as a percentage of their total weight) in 2 months, wins! We recruited from our family, friends and co-workers and opened a Facebook group to communicate. That was 3 contests ago, number 4 currently in progress.  Last round we lost 181lbs and current contest to date, we have lost 156lbs as a group. My co-captain Christine alone has lost 83lbs since starting.

I think a key to our success has been our Facebook page. It has become the forum on which we support each other. We ‘weigh in’ once a week and then put up the standings to help stay focused and competitive. We have a photo album to post pictures of what is motivating us to make this change; old photos of ourselves, a wedding dress or clothes we have shrunk out of during the contests. A few of us have declaration documents to share why we need this change or a personal mission statement.   

When we need to share our successes or our frustrations, we post it on our page. We have people in different stages of their journey so if one of us feels stuck; there are others who have been there to provide advice or support.  We post recipes, news articles, motivational statements and health/exercise tips. We even post our strategies to win. Yes it’s a contest but we feel it is more important to support and help each other make permanent lifestyle changes.  

Christine and I July 2010

Christine and I Halloween 2011

My way was through portion control, calorie counting (for the first 3 months with an app on my i-touch) and exercise exercise exercise! Calorie counting was an eye opener because I didn’t realise what was in some of the foods I considered healthy!  I had small success previous but it seems I needed the “Weight Loss Smackdown” group to give me the pat on the back or the kick in the pants to keep me on track. 

So thank you fellow Smackdowers! For input and support through this journey-couldn't have done it without a little help from my friends.