50 Book Challenge

I saw this 50 book Challenge on Facebook and naturally had to jump on it. The idea is to read 50 books in 2012.

Some context: I regularly buy books as gifts. I loved 'Ink Heart' largely in part to the underlying message of taking care of books.  I have a select group of book buddies whom offer reads. I am known by name in 2 books stores in town (one new, one used). I collect book quotes with vigour. I smell books before I read them. I have a Harry Potter tattoo. Kvothe is my Facebook banner. I have a turtle of enormous girth in my garden. There is a book in EVERY room in my house. I give care instructions when lending out my books (IF I lend out my books).

So, ya. I was down to do a book challenge.

And since this is my blog, my record of the clutter in my head, here is where I will track my progress. (Too bad I can't count December... just read some awesome books-including "Kite Runner"-Khaled Hosseini, "Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse"-Robert Rankin & "Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss and I LOVE talking about Kvothe!!!!)

1. 11/22/63-Stephen King. Oh I loves me some Uncle Stevie! Many of my very favourite books come from this man (Dark Tower series, The Stand, It) and he did not disappoint with is one! It`s another case of wanting to continue to hear a characters voice after the book is done. Like "The Stand" (another character voice I miss hearing) there is no possibility for a sequel but I enjoyed the time I had with Jake. Also, fellow fans of "It"-you may want to pick this up, and be pleasantly surprised. Highly recommend!
PS: For the record, I noticed the reuse of the name Jake in reference to a character who leaves their own time / space. There are other worlds then these.

2. Lord of the Rings-Fellowship of the Ring
3. Lord of the Rings-Two Towers
4. Lord of the Rings-Return of the King.  Classic series, I had tried to read them before but I couldn't get into them... didn't even get through Fellowship to tell you the truth. But I decided to give it another go and found this time much different. My guess is that playing in the genre with book series like "A Song of Ice and Fire"-George RR Martin, "The Kingkiller Chronicles"-Patrick Rothfuss and the "Inheritance Sequence"-Christopher Paolini, set me up to get along better with LOTRs.
Wow, the Ents got screwed in the movie. Just Sayin'.

5. Pawn of Prophecy
6. Queen of Sorcery
7. Magician's Gambit
8. Castle of Wizardry
9. Enchanters' End Game- David Eddings. This series, better known as the Belgariad, feels to me like Fantasy  reading for beginners. They are easy reads, highly entertaining and I think a bit of an influence for many of my favourite, more current, series. Example: I can't help but see *Silk as a less evolved **Locke Lamora complete with hand language and false face talents.

10. Guardians of the West
11. King of the Murgos
12. Demon Lord of Karanda
13. Sorceress of Darshiva
14. The Seeress of Kell-David Eddings.   The Malloreon series is the follow up to the Belgariad and is just as entertaining and continues with the same characters you enjoyed from the first series (A few new ones as well, of course).

15. Belgarath the Sorcerer-David  & Leigh Eddings
16. Polgara the Sorceress =David & Leigh Eddings. For fans of the above mentioned series-these 2 books tell the story of the Eternal Man and his daughter. Very interesting to see the story from their point of view and to witness major events in their history. Read only AFTER the two series otherwise they won't make much sense and won't be nearly as entertaining.

17. Internet is a Playground-David Thorne. OMG. You may know him as the 'spider guy who paid a bill with a drawing' but he is so much more.... I laughed my arse off through this compilation of his pranks / correspondence and recommend this to anyone who needs a good giggle and enjoys wit.

18. Lies of Locke Lamora
19. Red Seas Under Red Skies-Scott Lynch. Absolutely among my favourites. ALL TIME faves-and for someone who reads as much as I do, that's saying something! These two books are apart of the 'Gentleman Bastard Sequence' (the third due out... well, it's been due out for a while. The release date keeps getting pushed back but as long as it lives up to the first 2, I'll wait happily) and if you enjoy wit, creative use of language, humour and a good heist-you NEED to read these.

20. Great Expectations-Charles Dickens. I guess there is a reason that this book and stood the test of time-wow. One of the few books that made me want to reach in and shake a protagonist while also causing me to pause and ponder a paragraph. Well done sir, I tip my hat. And wish I could hug Joe. I loves me some Joe.




*Silk: Character in the Belgariad and  Malloreon Chronicles, a merchant / thief / master of disguise / guide.
**Locke Lamora: Character in Scott Lynch's series, The Gentleman Bastards.

On Listening.

Just something I was pondering today and since this is my blog, existing to purge my brain of its randomness-I shall vomit up my opinion. There is a huge difference between listening and hearing. Seems people have problem differentiating. If you don’t know the difference, maybe the following conversational types can give you a hint:

I cant wait for you to stop talking because I have something better to say and not only is it more interesting, it’s about me. 

I pulled this statement out of a joke e-mail I got a while ago but it ceased to be funny after I noticed so many people doing it.

Sure sure, me telling a story might inspire you to share a similar opinion or experience but have some courtesy. Maybe I am telling you something important to me-let me tell it.  This goes both ways, after I have told it, I need to listen. My favourite tactic is for someone to signal they have input or say something like “Remind me I have a story when you’re done”. By Jove I shall! For this is an exquisite sharing of thought!

Interrupting Cow. 

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh… MOO.

Bad school yard joke but it seems to apply and is one worse over “Can’t wait for you to stop talking”. It features the speaker getting cut off mid-sentence, for the other to talk. One thing to interject statements demonstrating you either agree or disagree (shows you’re paying attention and that’s nice) but it’s something else to cut the person off or talk over them. Even in a discussion where the topic is meant to go back and forth, let the person finish their thought before contributing. Nothing says “I don’t give a flying fuck about your opinion” like not letting them finish a thought.

Over-Talker: 

Someone who seems to need to talk while you are talking but just talks LOUDER.  An even ruder Interrupting cow, if you will.

Ghost in a room. 

Say something relevant to a conversation and get no response but then someone else will say the exact thing and will get recognition. Is it that I am not talking LOUD enough? Is it that you just don’t respect my opinion and choose to tune me out? Ouch to the second.  Ghosts, in my opinion, will either clam up and quit talking or become an over-talker in desperation to be heard.

One way mirror. 

How fun is a conversation when it is constantly about the other person. You listen. And listen. You bring up something relevant to you and get an ‘interrupting cow’ back in your face.  Having someone who listens is a privilege and can be abused.  How many of you does it take to change a light bulb? One. You hold it and let the world revolve around you.

One upper. 

No matter how relevant your story-theirs is more so. No matter how dire your situation-theirs is more so. No matter how interesting your anecdote is-theirs is more so. No matter how witty your adage-theirs is more so. No matter how informative your conversation is-theirs is more so. Note: one-uppers use ‘actually’, ‘essentially’ and ‘as a matter of fact’ A LOT. Not to be confused with a pompous ass.

Pompous Ass: 

Worst. These are people who will inform you that you are, in fact, wrong. There is a special ring of hell reserved for you my friend-in my mind at least. Opinions can’t be wrong, they’re opinions. FYI: Opinion: A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Fact: A thing that is indisputably the case, can be proven.

Dear Pompous Ass and One-Upper.

We all understand you think you are just SO much cleverer and smarter than the rest of us. But remember, Smartie threw a party and NOBODY CAME.

Love, Me.

PS: Doesn't mean you are.

I’m not lecturing anyone or swearing innocence myself but awareness amazes. When something is brought to your attention, at times, it’s enough to change a habit. We all want to be heard, we all need relevance and sometimes when those things are missing-people go to a bad place.

Just sayin’ 

On Gym habits.

Striving ever onward to improve myself in as many ways possible I find myself at the gym quite often. (More often find myself in  a book but carrying on...) Can't help but notice the gym sub-culture. Some observations:

1. Young muscle-y boys work out in threes. 

Seriously, I see little testosterone 3 packs all over the gym. Why? I understand groups of 2's... one lifting and one spotting, Mr #3 seems to wonder space-eyed. What is that third dude for? Admiration? Cheerleader? Territory protection? The ride home?

2. TV combat zone. (AKA: The cardio area)

Mr Remote gnome: It's bizzare-the game or CNN is usually on but you never see them touch the remote. They're like Santa.

Ms/Mr Don't give a shit: Could care less what is on the TV,  has a book, magazine or I-pod and is ready to get it done. On a mission. Twin sibling to Ms/Mr Whatever's on.

Ms Uber polite: Doesn't like watching sports or the Simpson's so she holds the remote up and looks everyone in the eye intoning "Is it okay? can I change it, are you watching it?" only after getting approval from everyone in the area, she changes the channel. A cousin to the less popular Ms/Mr Appearances who will ask the people directly on their right and left to convince themselves that they are, in fact, considerate. Despite the other 5 people on machines. 

Ms Tactless: I hate this bitch. There you are, sweating away, watching the game.... and she waltzes in, grabs the remote and turns it to Dr. Phil?!?! WTF. This person is responsible for the creation of the next person:

Ms Hoarder: So no one can change the channel on her during 'What Not to Wear' she grabs up all the remote controls and puts them in her water bottle holder to guard. Instead of a water bottle. Priorities.

Ms Opportunist: Doesn't have cable so if she wants to watch TV, this typically "Don't give a shit" turns "Hoarder" to watch the third period uninterrupted. These people are tolerable for they rarely do it because if they were avid cable watchers they WOULD HAVE CABLE. A more pleasant niece to the irritating Auntie Addict who must  never miss an episode of The Doctors. Ever.

3.Mens mangled Tee's
What used to be regular t-shirts but now are cut or torn from the arm pit to down to the waist. Essentially turning what USED to be functioning article of clothing and turning it into a flap of cloth with a head hole and rendering it less concealing then a toga. Is it showing off your RIBS? ease of movement? ventilation? are they : the hulk, a werewolf, Mr Hyde? 

4. Loiterers.

Hanging around,  staring at TVs, chatting at the receptionist... what are you even doing here? I want to watch you and see if you even touch equipment, but then, what is weirder? The loiterer or the creeper watching the loiterer?

5. Narcissus.

I think the wall mirrors are as much a draw as the equipment-I get checking your form but there are some dudes whose eyes never leave the mirror. Watch themselves lift, watch themselves walk, watch themselves drink... so entranced by their epic-ness that fire could erupt and they would still be admiring themselves.

6. The Grunter.

Soooooo, away you go, doing the circuit when you hear moaning and grunting that could make a school girl blush OR yelling that alarms / startles you. Sweet Lord what are they doing???? You look, and not much. They are just very loud about it. Louder then your i-pod. Men for the most part. Actually, men for every part. Get too many of these guys together and your gym now sounds like a bordello.

7&8 Biblets.

You know 'em. The gals who show up at the gym to ogle or flirt with men. The shallow airheads MUST have a hot BF... right? BAH. Their 'gym clothes' are a bit inappropriate (even less so that those mangled tee's) and they have accessories on (dangle earrings? Really?) and they don't seem to be working hard at ANYTHING. Wouldn't want to ruin their make up or hair. GTFO.

The male version of this can normally hide themselves in with the Narcissus and loiterers until their prey comes along and they can flex in their mangled tee and be generally impressive. GTFO.

Both of you, go find some herpes infested bar to do your trolling.  

Just thought-what if the grunters are the mating call for the biblets? Gross.

9. Swingin' Dicks.

Oh you've seen them-strutting around, like they own the place. Looking irritated, talking to the weights, knuckles dragging on the matt behind them. Touchier then ANY female ever known PMS'ing-I give these guys a WIDE berth. With any luck you won't tempt the bull and they will move onto talking to a nice mirror instead of bothering with you.

10. Unwanted leavings.

Mr Sir-Sweats-A-Lot leaves the equipment and is off to socialise with some loiterers watching TV. COME ON-etiquette people, clean the bench. 

VS

Mr Gonna-Sit-On-The-Equipment-All-Day. He's done his reps. He's done his set. He's got his 'swell' on. He's got view of the mirror... and he's now-texting. 1. Get off the equipment so someone else can use it. 2. Why do you have your phone, are you an ambitious loiterer? 3. GET OFF YOUR PHONE SOCIAL SALLY-so you have an i-phone, we are super impressed. Really.

Application to creep.

So, a few (let us not define few, hmm?) months ago I lost my job and have been mildly bored since. My days are full of job hunting, resume overhauls, facebook games and reading.

You get the picture.

So now, an interesting situation has arisen-and noting obvious boredom issue-I am pondering on it. And using it horrendously as a temporary pass-time.
OK, here's the situation (no-my parents did NOT go on a weeks vacation but it WOULD be cool if they had a brand new porsche...) and again I find myself unsure on how to respond. A relative stranger (ex customer at my former workplace, Blockbuster) approaches me and says I look surprisingly good (backhanded compliment much?) and asks if I have found a job yet.
No, I reply-because I don't.
Obviously.
He then proceeds to give me his phone number while muttering about having 'good money' and 'if you ever need something' to give him a call. Many conclusions / scenarios pop into my head:

1. Nice philanthropist who REALLY appreciated having the right movie to complete his evenings and make them Blockbuster nights.
2. He was looking for the application form filed under 'sugar daddy'.
3. He is recruiting plus sized prostitutes.
4. He is apart of a pyramid scheme and wants me to sell Amway.
5. He is a financial consultant and is after my MOUNDS of EI cash.
6. He is a bankruptcy trustee (filth) and lies in wait for his commission off my eminent downfall resulting from lack of work.
7. I look waaaaaay older then I am and that was the MOST awkward intro line EVER.
8. Psychopath who wants to rub the lotion on the skin.
9. Part of a mob run reverse-Russian-mail-order-bride-scheme. I hear they like em robust over there.
10. He was looking for a babysitter for his grand kids.

POOPIN' IN MY YARD!

Soooo, my neighbour came over to complain that my cats are crapping in his yard. (Can you imagine? Oh the HUMANITY!!! A cat, pooping, outside? ) Given the number of cats roaming around-I am unsure it is, in fact, my cats. I did not know how to respond to him... here are some possibilities:

Philosophically: if a cat shits in your yard-but there is no around to see it, did it really happen?


Star Wars: these are not the cats you are looking for...


Jane Austin-ish: a cat in possession of shit must be in want of a place to shit.


As Sherlock Holmes:"It's the curious incident of the cat pooping in the night time." 
"The cat did no pooping in the night time"
"THAT was the curious incident."

As a fatalist: It was predetermined by fate and therefore unavoidable.

Harry Potter: They are very clever kitties marking the entrance to an underground passageway to the shrieking shack! OR Just wingardium leviosa that shit over the fence.

Mathematically: If X=cat poop and Y=me caring, then by direct relationship X ceases to exist.


Ancient Egyptian: The revered kitty has chosen you-BE HONOURED (or sacrificed, you pick)!

As someone (me) who noticed that someone (him) was obviously shittered at 3pm: Are you sure it wasn't you?


He then suggested a put a kitty litter box outside. Really? I have gardens. Ta-daaaaa, Best. Kitty. Litter. Box. Ever. But I couldn't say that, I'm not TRYING to start a civil war. So I suggest that, possibly, a kitty litter box outside might just attract more cats.
To that, his reply was: "I come in peace". Again, wasn't sure how to respond to that, sooo... a few thoughts jumped into my head:

CREEPING SHITS MAN!!! My neighbour is an alien and is going to beam my cats to the mother ship! I should teach them to use a camera.... 


I should start wearing tinfoil on my head...

I thought your wife's name was Anne?

Clearly, I take the concerns of my neighbours quite seriously.