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Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Oh Christmas tree

It's that time of year again... Christmas tree time. If you have learned anything about me so far - it's that I am picky and there is almost always a method and some madness.(that is how the saying goes, right).

Step one: Choosing of the tree.
Hit the tree lots early, so they haven't sat long nor had a chance to freeze as that increases the likelihood of the needles staying on the tree. Don't go for those cultured trees,  (bah, our forefathers didn't have cultured trees! They had a saw, some boots and a truck load of excited kids cheering him on) go for the au-natural beauties with there gaps and flaws. They will be awesome viewing holes later on. Watch for present clearance under the tree and definitive star placement top.

Step two: preliminary steps
Fresh cut the trunk, (all the better to drink the water my dear) and trim any wild limbs. Water the sucker now-she'll be thirsty! Check lights, make sure they twinkle. Check balls, make sure they will hang nicely (with hooks perv) and unroll the cohesive knots of garland.

Step three: Adding the twinkle.
Lights first! First set wrapped around the trunk all the way up - adds depth and inner glow to your master piece. The consecutive strands can ease out to the outer branches. Add star/angel. Hark you cry, that goes last!!! Thsssp, get over it-much more pratical to do now seeing as it plugs into the lights.

Step Four: Garland!
Sparkley snakes of tinsely goodness! Wrapping around the tree leaving perfect draping designs-it is key here to set back and give it a look. Keep it even, keep it level (nothing more annoying than garland that crosses layers like that over achiever in math class) and makes sure it goes all the way up. If you have left overs, they make wonderful boas for a few moments of glam.

Step Five: Hanging your balls.
Now, bulb placement is an art. No two bulbs of similar design together, mix shiny with matte finish. Do not under value the importance of specialty ornaments!!! My tree is sporting "first home 2006"  and various ornimants given to me by others. Makes my tree uber personal as friends and family are apart of my festive season. Looking at my tree I see  Tina, Brandy, Kari-An, Uncle Dave & Auntie Melinda, Grandma G, Grandma K, Eileen, Jane and my parents. Seeing as  I  finding myself missing many of those people, it's nice they are apart of my Christmas.
Make sure you stand back and watch for bare spots-we need even distribution, all around the tree.  Don't be afraid to put some in those (once imperfections) branch gaps that are now lit up like a glowing cave if wonder and merriment.

Last: tinsel
All trees must have tinsel, adds shine and holiday stress relief when you can curse the stuff for sucking to your clothes whenever you walk by. Drape the tinsel kiddies, no clumps! It is to look like icicles forming down your tree (albeit, very shiny icicles). It will glitter and reflect your strategically placed lights and add twinkle to the bulbs.
Once more, take a set back- no bare spots people!

Now, light her up and bask in the same glow you've been basking in since you were a wee kidlet and just finished decorating with your sibs. In my case, my two sisters and baby brother. Dad manning the lights and star, mom supervising tinsel allotments. Passing onto Darryl the pearls of wisdom Uncle Dave passed to
Me ( blow the tinsel and let it land naturaly) helping Tina, and Lisa put their bulbs near the top of the tree.... as they were too short to reach. Ahhh memories.

All these things linger in my mind as a gaze at my tree. One of the few things that still blow my mind.

Oh, and since I am Canadian and I have celebrated this way in this country all my life: Christmas Christmas Christmas, Santa Santa Santa, Christmas Season HO HO HO, God Bless Baby Jesus and I will have a nativity scene, thanks. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Realistic seasonal greetings

Tis the season for warm tidings and well wishing... But have you noticed that much of the sentiments are rather repetitive and generic? "May you have a joyous holiday season." or "May you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year." Nice thought but hardly practical and rarely sincear.

I've come up with some more grounded, realistic seasonal tidings most of us can relate to. Since most seem to start with "May you" that is how I will format my little list.

May you / your:
May you have a block heater and proper length of outdoor extention cord.


May you have the snow in your driveway be the light powdery kind while the type in your yard is the denser snowball packin type.

May your car always start at 10pm after it's been sitting in a parking lot for 8 hours.
In addition; should the situation call for it, may you have jumper cables and a running vehicle attached to the other end.


May you not have the snow plow push SH!T into your driveway after you finish shoveling the darn thing.

May you have fuzzy gloves, dry boots and a thick winter coat.
And a toque, and snow pants, and ear muffs, and chap stick...

May you nOT have to enter a Walmart on the 24th.

May you rejoice as the line at Future Shop on boxing day is short.

May you have good winter tires.
If not then BCAA and let there be no cement barriers in the impending snow bank.

May you remember to always grab a cart. Seriously, just grab a damn cart (you know you will need it).

May you be safe in the knowledge that the Santa that has been watching you all year lives at the North Pole and not across the road.

May you not do irreconcilable damage to a retail employee because the stress of this joyous season is breaking your mind.
Alternatively, may you not need to because s/he is chatting to the person 3 people ahead of you about a boy/girlfriend, meanwhile scanning the purchases at a rate of 1 minute.

May you not forget the cranberry sauce.

May you fill up with the feeling that you had at age 4 when you light up the Christmas tree.
Also, may the needles stay ON your tree till Jan 2nd.

That concludes my list, maybe a few less people will talk like 50 cent Christmas cards this year.

Your welcome.