Tis the season for warm tidings and well wishing... But have you noticed that much of the sentiments are rather repetitive and generic? "May you have a joyous holiday season." or "May you have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year." Nice thought but hardly practical and rarely sincear.
I've come up with some more grounded, realistic seasonal tidings most of us can relate to. Since most seem to start with "May you" that is how I will format my little list.
May you / your:
May you have a block heater and proper length of outdoor extention cord.
May you have the snow in your driveway be the light powdery kind while the type in your yard is the denser snowball packin type.
May your car always start at 10pm after it's been sitting in a parking lot for 8 hours.
In addition; should the situation call for it, may you have jumper cables and a running vehicle attached to the other end.
May you not have the snow plow push SH!T into your driveway after you finish shoveling the darn thing.
May you have fuzzy gloves, dry boots and a thick winter coat.
And a toque, and snow pants, and ear muffs, and chap stick...
May you nOT have to enter a Walmart on the 24th.
May you rejoice as the line at Future Shop on boxing day is short.
May you have good winter tires.
If not then BCAA and let there be no cement barriers in the impending snow bank.
May you remember to always grab a cart. Seriously, just grab a damn cart (you know you will need it).
May you be safe in the knowledge that the Santa that has been watching you all year lives at the North Pole and not across the road.
May you not do irreconcilable damage to a retail employee because the stress of this joyous season is breaking your mind.
Alternatively, may you not need to because s/he is chatting to the person 3 people ahead of you about a boy/girlfriend, meanwhile scanning the purchases at a rate of 1 minute.
May you not forget the cranberry sauce.
May you fill up with the feeling that you had at age 4 when you light up the Christmas tree.
Also, may the needles stay ON your tree till Jan 2nd.
That concludes my list, maybe a few less people will talk like 50 cent Christmas cards this year.
Your welcome.
Showing posts with label snow white. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snow white. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
On Princess Parties
I consider myself a very independent girl, steeped in cynicism and feet firmly planted in reality. I see a button that says "I loved Owl City before Fireflies" and I think: well that just made you lame first.
Who is Owl City? No idea.
It's reflex because it was a tween wearing it and she looked very 'girly'. I watch Snow White in horror at the prospect of a woman, waiting for a man to save her and being the cleaning wench for 7 Dwarfs. (Seriously, the huntsman comes for her and she cowers against a rock and raises her hand as if the shade her eyes. Really? FIGHT DAMN YOU!)
Then I get invited to a 5 year olds princess birthday party. All must come dressed up in frills and have a tea and cookies. You might be thinking "wow, TG is gonna snap!" Right? If you knew me you would anyway. My first gut reaction was, ick. And then....
Oh yes, and then.
The idea of the big flowy skirt awoke in me a little girl, she was deep down.... possibly around my pancreas or maybe even my colon, but she was there. And she smiled. She possessed me to go to the closet and look at my wide variety of bridesmaid dresses (always the bridesmaid...). And then the little bitch got bold, she went whole hog and pulled out the coup de grâce. The mother load, if you will. It was the last time the little girl in me spoke up, it was 15 years ago, it was grad.
Floor length, full skirt, elbow length gloves. It's on!
Look out Princess Tea Party, here comes the little girl in me and she is wearing a crown! Sarcasm and angst, see you tomorrow at our regularly appointed time-sometimes a girls just gotta shine.
Who is Owl City? No idea.
It's reflex because it was a tween wearing it and she looked very 'girly'. I watch Snow White in horror at the prospect of a woman, waiting for a man to save her and being the cleaning wench for 7 Dwarfs. (Seriously, the huntsman comes for her and she cowers against a rock and raises her hand as if the shade her eyes. Really? FIGHT DAMN YOU!)
Then I get invited to a 5 year olds princess birthday party. All must come dressed up in frills and have a tea and cookies. You might be thinking "wow, TG is gonna snap!" Right? If you knew me you would anyway. My first gut reaction was, ick. And then....
Oh yes, and then.
The idea of the big flowy skirt awoke in me a little girl, she was deep down.... possibly around my pancreas or maybe even my colon, but she was there. And she smiled. She possessed me to go to the closet and look at my wide variety of bridesmaid dresses (always the bridesmaid...). And then the little bitch got bold, she went whole hog and pulled out the coup de grâce. The mother load, if you will. It was the last time the little girl in me spoke up, it was 15 years ago, it was grad.
Floor length, full skirt, elbow length gloves. It's on!
Look out Princess Tea Party, here comes the little girl in me and she is wearing a crown! Sarcasm and angst, see you tomorrow at our regularly appointed time-sometimes a girls just gotta shine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)