Application to creep.

So, a few (let us not define few, hmm?) months ago I lost my job and have been mildly bored since. My days are full of job hunting, resume overhauls, facebook games and reading.

You get the picture.

So now, an interesting situation has arisen-and noting obvious boredom issue-I am pondering on it. And using it horrendously as a temporary pass-time.
OK, here's the situation (no-my parents did NOT go on a weeks vacation but it WOULD be cool if they had a brand new porsche...) and again I find myself unsure on how to respond. A relative stranger (ex customer at my former workplace, Blockbuster) approaches me and says I look surprisingly good (backhanded compliment much?) and asks if I have found a job yet.
No, I reply-because I don't.
Obviously.
He then proceeds to give me his phone number while muttering about having 'good money' and 'if you ever need something' to give him a call. Many conclusions / scenarios pop into my head:

1. Nice philanthropist who REALLY appreciated having the right movie to complete his evenings and make them Blockbuster nights.
2. He was looking for the application form filed under 'sugar daddy'.
3. He is recruiting plus sized prostitutes.
4. He is apart of a pyramid scheme and wants me to sell Amway.
5. He is a financial consultant and is after my MOUNDS of EI cash.
6. He is a bankruptcy trustee (filth) and lies in wait for his commission off my eminent downfall resulting from lack of work.
7. I look waaaaaay older then I am and that was the MOST awkward intro line EVER.
8. Psychopath who wants to rub the lotion on the skin.
9. Part of a mob run reverse-Russian-mail-order-bride-scheme. I hear they like em robust over there.
10. He was looking for a babysitter for his grand kids.

POOPIN' IN MY YARD!

Soooo, my neighbour came over to complain that my cats are crapping in his yard. (Can you imagine? Oh the HUMANITY!!! A cat, pooping, outside? ) Given the number of cats roaming around-I am unsure it is, in fact, my cats. I did not know how to respond to him... here are some possibilities:

Philosophically: if a cat shits in your yard-but there is no around to see it, did it really happen?


Star Wars: these are not the cats you are looking for...


Jane Austin-ish: a cat in possession of shit must be in want of a place to shit.


As Sherlock Holmes:"It's the curious incident of the cat pooping in the night time." 
"The cat did no pooping in the night time"
"THAT was the curious incident."

As a fatalist: It was predetermined by fate and therefore unavoidable.

Harry Potter: They are very clever kitties marking the entrance to an underground passageway to the shrieking shack! OR Just wingardium leviosa that shit over the fence.

Mathematically: If X=cat poop and Y=me caring, then by direct relationship X ceases to exist.


Ancient Egyptian: The revered kitty has chosen you-BE HONOURED (or sacrificed, you pick)!

As someone (me) who noticed that someone (him) was obviously shittered at 3pm: Are you sure it wasn't you?


He then suggested a put a kitty litter box outside. Really? I have gardens. Ta-daaaaa, Best. Kitty. Litter. Box. Ever. But I couldn't say that, I'm not TRYING to start a civil war. So I suggest that, possibly, a kitty litter box outside might just attract more cats.
To that, his reply was: "I come in peace". Again, wasn't sure how to respond to that, sooo... a few thoughts jumped into my head:

CREEPING SHITS MAN!!! My neighbour is an alien and is going to beam my cats to the mother ship! I should teach them to use a camera.... 


I should start wearing tinfoil on my head...

I thought your wife's name was Anne?

Clearly, I take the concerns of my neighbours quite seriously.