On Listening.

Just something I was pondering today and since this is my blog, existing to purge my brain of its randomness-I shall vomit up my opinion. There is a huge difference between listening and hearing. Seems people have problem differentiating. If you don’t know the difference, maybe the following conversational types can give you a hint:

I cant wait for you to stop talking because I have something better to say and not only is it more interesting, it’s about me. 

I pulled this statement out of a joke e-mail I got a while ago but it ceased to be funny after I noticed so many people doing it.

Sure sure, me telling a story might inspire you to share a similar opinion or experience but have some courtesy. Maybe I am telling you something important to me-let me tell it.  This goes both ways, after I have told it, I need to listen. My favourite tactic is for someone to signal they have input or say something like “Remind me I have a story when you’re done”. By Jove I shall! For this is an exquisite sharing of thought!

Interrupting Cow. 

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh… MOO.

Bad school yard joke but it seems to apply and is one worse over “Can’t wait for you to stop talking”. It features the speaker getting cut off mid-sentence, for the other to talk. One thing to interject statements demonstrating you either agree or disagree (shows you’re paying attention and that’s nice) but it’s something else to cut the person off or talk over them. Even in a discussion where the topic is meant to go back and forth, let the person finish their thought before contributing. Nothing says “I don’t give a flying fuck about your opinion” like not letting them finish a thought.

Over-Talker: 

Someone who seems to need to talk while you are talking but just talks LOUDER.  An even ruder Interrupting cow, if you will.

Ghost in a room. 

Say something relevant to a conversation and get no response but then someone else will say the exact thing and will get recognition. Is it that I am not talking LOUD enough? Is it that you just don’t respect my opinion and choose to tune me out? Ouch to the second.  Ghosts, in my opinion, will either clam up and quit talking or become an over-talker in desperation to be heard.

One way mirror. 

How fun is a conversation when it is constantly about the other person. You listen. And listen. You bring up something relevant to you and get an ‘interrupting cow’ back in your face.  Having someone who listens is a privilege and can be abused.  How many of you does it take to change a light bulb? One. You hold it and let the world revolve around you.

One upper. 

No matter how relevant your story-theirs is more so. No matter how dire your situation-theirs is more so. No matter how interesting your anecdote is-theirs is more so. No matter how witty your adage-theirs is more so. No matter how informative your conversation is-theirs is more so. Note: one-uppers use ‘actually’, ‘essentially’ and ‘as a matter of fact’ A LOT. Not to be confused with a pompous ass.

Pompous Ass: 

Worst. These are people who will inform you that you are, in fact, wrong. There is a special ring of hell reserved for you my friend-in my mind at least. Opinions can’t be wrong, they’re opinions. FYI: Opinion: A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Fact: A thing that is indisputably the case, can be proven.

Dear Pompous Ass and One-Upper.

We all understand you think you are just SO much cleverer and smarter than the rest of us. But remember, Smartie threw a party and NOBODY CAME.

Love, Me.

PS: Doesn't mean you are.

I’m not lecturing anyone or swearing innocence myself but awareness amazes. When something is brought to your attention, at times, it’s enough to change a habit. We all want to be heard, we all need relevance and sometimes when those things are missing-people go to a bad place.

Just sayin’ 

On Gym habits.

Striving ever onward to improve myself in as many ways possible I find myself at the gym quite often. (More often find myself in  a book but carrying on...) Can't help but notice the gym sub-culture. Some observations:

1. Young muscle-y boys work out in threes. 

Seriously, I see little testosterone 3 packs all over the gym. Why? I understand groups of 2's... one lifting and one spotting, Mr #3 seems to wonder space-eyed. What is that third dude for? Admiration? Cheerleader? Territory protection? The ride home?

2. TV combat zone. (AKA: The cardio area)

Mr Remote gnome: It's bizzare-the game or CNN is usually on but you never see them touch the remote. They're like Santa.

Ms/Mr Don't give a shit: Could care less what is on the TV,  has a book, magazine or I-pod and is ready to get it done. On a mission. Twin sibling to Ms/Mr Whatever's on.

Ms Uber polite: Doesn't like watching sports or the Simpson's so she holds the remote up and looks everyone in the eye intoning "Is it okay? can I change it, are you watching it?" only after getting approval from everyone in the area, she changes the channel. A cousin to the less popular Ms/Mr Appearances who will ask the people directly on their right and left to convince themselves that they are, in fact, considerate. Despite the other 5 people on machines. 

Ms Tactless: I hate this bitch. There you are, sweating away, watching the game.... and she waltzes in, grabs the remote and turns it to Dr. Phil?!?! WTF. This person is responsible for the creation of the next person:

Ms Hoarder: So no one can change the channel on her during 'What Not to Wear' she grabs up all the remote controls and puts them in her water bottle holder to guard. Instead of a water bottle. Priorities.

Ms Opportunist: Doesn't have cable so if she wants to watch TV, this typically "Don't give a shit" turns "Hoarder" to watch the third period uninterrupted. These people are tolerable for they rarely do it because if they were avid cable watchers they WOULD HAVE CABLE. A more pleasant niece to the irritating Auntie Addict who must  never miss an episode of The Doctors. Ever.

3.Mens mangled Tee's
What used to be regular t-shirts but now are cut or torn from the arm pit to down to the waist. Essentially turning what USED to be functioning article of clothing and turning it into a flap of cloth with a head hole and rendering it less concealing then a toga. Is it showing off your RIBS? ease of movement? ventilation? are they : the hulk, a werewolf, Mr Hyde? 

4. Loiterers.

Hanging around,  staring at TVs, chatting at the receptionist... what are you even doing here? I want to watch you and see if you even touch equipment, but then, what is weirder? The loiterer or the creeper watching the loiterer?

5. Narcissus.

I think the wall mirrors are as much a draw as the equipment-I get checking your form but there are some dudes whose eyes never leave the mirror. Watch themselves lift, watch themselves walk, watch themselves drink... so entranced by their epic-ness that fire could erupt and they would still be admiring themselves.

6. The Grunter.

Soooooo, away you go, doing the circuit when you hear moaning and grunting that could make a school girl blush OR yelling that alarms / startles you. Sweet Lord what are they doing???? You look, and not much. They are just very loud about it. Louder then your i-pod. Men for the most part. Actually, men for every part. Get too many of these guys together and your gym now sounds like a bordello.

7&8 Biblets.

You know 'em. The gals who show up at the gym to ogle or flirt with men. The shallow airheads MUST have a hot BF... right? BAH. Their 'gym clothes' are a bit inappropriate (even less so that those mangled tee's) and they have accessories on (dangle earrings? Really?) and they don't seem to be working hard at ANYTHING. Wouldn't want to ruin their make up or hair. GTFO.

The male version of this can normally hide themselves in with the Narcissus and loiterers until their prey comes along and they can flex in their mangled tee and be generally impressive. GTFO.

Both of you, go find some herpes infested bar to do your trolling.  

Just thought-what if the grunters are the mating call for the biblets? Gross.

9. Swingin' Dicks.

Oh you've seen them-strutting around, like they own the place. Looking irritated, talking to the weights, knuckles dragging on the matt behind them. Touchier then ANY female ever known PMS'ing-I give these guys a WIDE berth. With any luck you won't tempt the bull and they will move onto talking to a nice mirror instead of bothering with you.

10. Unwanted leavings.

Mr Sir-Sweats-A-Lot leaves the equipment and is off to socialise with some loiterers watching TV. COME ON-etiquette people, clean the bench. 

VS

Mr Gonna-Sit-On-The-Equipment-All-Day. He's done his reps. He's done his set. He's got his 'swell' on. He's got view of the mirror... and he's now-texting. 1. Get off the equipment so someone else can use it. 2. Why do you have your phone, are you an ambitious loiterer? 3. GET OFF YOUR PHONE SOCIAL SALLY-so you have an i-phone, we are super impressed. Really.

Application to creep.

So, a few (let us not define few, hmm?) months ago I lost my job and have been mildly bored since. My days are full of job hunting, resume overhauls, facebook games and reading.

You get the picture.

So now, an interesting situation has arisen-and noting obvious boredom issue-I am pondering on it. And using it horrendously as a temporary pass-time.
OK, here's the situation (no-my parents did NOT go on a weeks vacation but it WOULD be cool if they had a brand new porsche...) and again I find myself unsure on how to respond. A relative stranger (ex customer at my former workplace, Blockbuster) approaches me and says I look surprisingly good (backhanded compliment much?) and asks if I have found a job yet.
No, I reply-because I don't.
Obviously.
He then proceeds to give me his phone number while muttering about having 'good money' and 'if you ever need something' to give him a call. Many conclusions / scenarios pop into my head:

1. Nice philanthropist who REALLY appreciated having the right movie to complete his evenings and make them Blockbuster nights.
2. He was looking for the application form filed under 'sugar daddy'.
3. He is recruiting plus sized prostitutes.
4. He is apart of a pyramid scheme and wants me to sell Amway.
5. He is a financial consultant and is after my MOUNDS of EI cash.
6. He is a bankruptcy trustee (filth) and lies in wait for his commission off my eminent downfall resulting from lack of work.
7. I look waaaaaay older then I am and that was the MOST awkward intro line EVER.
8. Psychopath who wants to rub the lotion on the skin.
9. Part of a mob run reverse-Russian-mail-order-bride-scheme. I hear they like em robust over there.
10. He was looking for a babysitter for his grand kids.

POOPIN' IN MY YARD!

Soooo, my neighbour came over to complain that my cats are crapping in his yard. (Can you imagine? Oh the HUMANITY!!! A cat, pooping, outside? ) Given the number of cats roaming around-I am unsure it is, in fact, my cats. I did not know how to respond to him... here are some possibilities:

Philosophically: if a cat shits in your yard-but there is no around to see it, did it really happen?


Star Wars: these are not the cats you are looking for...


Jane Austin-ish: a cat in possession of shit must be in want of a place to shit.


As Sherlock Holmes:"It's the curious incident of the cat pooping in the night time." 
"The cat did no pooping in the night time"
"THAT was the curious incident."

As a fatalist: It was predetermined by fate and therefore unavoidable.

Harry Potter: They are very clever kitties marking the entrance to an underground passageway to the shrieking shack! OR Just wingardium leviosa that shit over the fence.

Mathematically: If X=cat poop and Y=me caring, then by direct relationship X ceases to exist.


Ancient Egyptian: The revered kitty has chosen you-BE HONOURED (or sacrificed, you pick)!

As someone (me) who noticed that someone (him) was obviously shittered at 3pm: Are you sure it wasn't you?


He then suggested a put a kitty litter box outside. Really? I have gardens. Ta-daaaaa, Best. Kitty. Litter. Box. Ever. But I couldn't say that, I'm not TRYING to start a civil war. So I suggest that, possibly, a kitty litter box outside might just attract more cats.
To that, his reply was: "I come in peace". Again, wasn't sure how to respond to that, sooo... a few thoughts jumped into my head:

CREEPING SHITS MAN!!! My neighbour is an alien and is going to beam my cats to the mother ship! I should teach them to use a camera.... 


I should start wearing tinfoil on my head...

I thought your wife's name was Anne?

Clearly, I take the concerns of my neighbours quite seriously. 

On Criminal, Britney Spears.

So, I heard there was a new Britney Spears song out and I.... ignored it. Really, it's Britney. Relevance = zilch for me right now. I had a couple people tell me not to bother with it, it sucks. Umm, Okay-can't wait to NOT hear it.

But like any good critic I then HAD to listen to it to have an INFORMED opinion (even if it is negative). I hate it when someone bags on something they have not experienced! It's like using curse words in a debate-once you've stooped there, you cred is gone.

Then I listened again. Damn it.

What are they talking about? This is the first Britney Spears song I've LIKED in years. All the tracks she's released in the last few years have been the same boring dance song with a different title.

 No, sorry, "If You Seek Amy" was NOT clever.

Entertainment Weekly's bullseye gave "Till the World Ends" good praise but I listened to it and now believe the writer has a) a vested interest in Ms. Spears gaining notoriety OR  b) is a long time fan who desperately wants her back on top.

She is coasting on her previous fame and die hard fans-hello, Mr Bullseye. Do you disagree? Quick, in one minute, name 3 Brit songs from the last 3 years and their chorus's. Can you do it? Did you have to use the 2 I mentioned above?

I can't-they all blur into one big ball of bad music.

Then came Criminal. Not a trashy lyric stockpile set to a dance beat (if I told you I wanted your body would you hold it against me? Really?) leave it to Janet who can actually pull it off. Not that Brit is a spectacular singer but you can hear her voice. You understand the words that are coming out of her mouth. It feels like a nice throw back to mellow 70's ballads not unlike Lady Gaga's awesome sidestep into a country beat with 'You and I'. Ahhh, refreshing.

Thank you i-tunes, I think I will buy this one. First Brit in a looooong time. Probably since "Womaniser".

I hope Criminal can start to do what a guest spot on Glee couldn't-give her back some relevance. Madonna survived by reinventing herself over the years, let's see if Brit can.

On weight Loss Smackdown.

63lbs in 9 months. It’s the reason I have been getting stopped in the street by people to ask, how?  ”Did you have a procedure?” Nope.  “What program did you use?” I didn’t.  “You look healthier, what are you doing?” S&S baby (sweat and sacrifice). No miracle plans, procedures or programs – I just get by with a little help from my friends.

In February my sister-in-law Christine and I pondered the idea of a weight loss contest similar to that of The Biggest Loser from TV.  Each person gives a $10 buy-in (which became the prize money) and the person who loses the most (as a percentage of their total weight) in 2 months, wins! We recruited from our family, friends and co-workers and opened a Facebook group to communicate. That was 3 contests ago, number 4 currently in progress.  Last round we lost 181lbs and current contest to date, we have lost 156lbs as a group. My co-captain Christine alone has lost 83lbs since starting.

I think a key to our success has been our Facebook page. It has become the forum on which we support each other. We ‘weigh in’ once a week and then put up the standings to help stay focused and competitive. We have a photo album to post pictures of what is motivating us to make this change; old photos of ourselves, a wedding dress or clothes we have shrunk out of during the contests. A few of us have declaration documents to share why we need this change or a personal mission statement.   

When we need to share our successes or our frustrations, we post it on our page. We have people in different stages of their journey so if one of us feels stuck; there are others who have been there to provide advice or support.  We post recipes, news articles, motivational statements and health/exercise tips. We even post our strategies to win. Yes it’s a contest but we feel it is more important to support and help each other make permanent lifestyle changes.  

Christine and I July 2010

Christine and I Halloween 2011

My way was through portion control, calorie counting (for the first 3 months with an app on my i-touch) and exercise exercise exercise! Calorie counting was an eye opener because I didn’t realise what was in some of the foods I considered healthy!  I had small success previous but it seems I needed the “Weight Loss Smackdown” group to give me the pat on the back or the kick in the pants to keep me on track. 

So thank you fellow Smackdowers! For input and support through this journey-couldn't have done it without a little help from my friends.

On Unemployment.

As many of you already know, I am currently employment-challenged and have been for a month. One of many screwed by the  liquidation of Blockbuster Canada to pay debts owed by the US parent company.  Many folks ask "What are you  doing now?" and the usual answer is-not much. So, me being me, I want to share some insights and opinions with you-dear reader.

I have the time. Obviously.

Have to admit, the last month has kinda felt like a vacation. After the turmoil of helping close down the store I've worked at for 13 years takes a toll. The people you work with had become your family and it's really hard watching the store you helped open, maintain, care for and commit to get picked apart. My analogy was; it's like your Grandma had passed away and you are watching relatives pick apart her house. People asking about shelving felt like vultures picking the bones before we were dead. After, to continue my macabre thought process, seeing the emptied store was like viewing the dead body at a funeral. You wish you didn't see it because now that's the image stuck in your head and not the many happy memories.

Sue me if I needed some time to recover from that experience and also the longer & busier hours involved. In the last month I haven't really committed to anything or accomplished much. Did some workshops, babysat, tossed out a few resumes like a good E.I. seeker. Checked job banks. Nothing to write about really. Didn't even see an improvement in the state of my house.

Wow. I couldn't really tell you WHAT I've been doing. Yikes.

Now, the shock is gone, acceptance arrived and I am wondering what next? Retraining or career advice? I don't know where I am going... getting directions is moot. It feels like I am back to "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

Well-I don't know. Growing up is overrated.

In the meantime I have rearranged furniture. Alphabetised my CD collection. Made a list of things I need to do to winter-ise my house.  Considered amalgamating my entire media collection; putting musical soundtracks in with the movie and the DVD's & blu-rays that were based on the novel with corresponding book... I might still do that. Never know.

I am past the anger at the murder of Blockbuster. I am not having a pity party. I am not embarrassed or sad at staying so long in retail - met way to many awesome people and had waaaaaaaay to much fun. I know something will come and I will rock it. I plan on covering my survival needs first and then developing hobbies to keep me amused and engaged. I thank God for my support system.

Let's see what happens tomorrow. Could be good.

True and alarming things said during trip to Van City....

Not so long ago a road trip was undertaken to the beautiful city of Vancouver. During the drive - we couldn't help but recap some of the things the driver (yours truly) had said during the trip and started to compose a '10 things you don't want to hear from the driver on a road trip' list. Taken out of context-some were pretty smile worthy.

In quasi chronological order:

On car malfunction:

"Hey guys, look - according to my speedometer we aren't moving."

On checking out the dude that looked like Ryan Reynolds driving in the lane next to us:

LH:  "Tracy, seriously check him out"

ME: "I can't, I'm driving."

LH: "So, I'm married and I'm looking"

ME: "There's a difference, if I look we all die - if you look, your just going to hell."

Upon driving past a digital speedometer on the side of the road near construction:

"SWEET, we'll finally know how fast we're going!"

and

"Hey guys, remember: THIS is what 85 feels like."

JM: "Feels slow."

On a digital highway sign that read 'Checking for intoxication':

JM: "At least they aren't checking for speeders, we're good."

and then...

ME: " You don't know what's in my water bottle..."

On trying to gage speed:

"Ah crap guys, I just passed my pace car - again."

On driving the Coquahalla:

"Look ma, no feet! Anyone think we can reach the bottom without touching the brakes?"

On driving in the city:

"Damn google maps really needs to take one ways into consideration!"

and

"Isn't it conforting to be driving through a part of town where every business has bars on the windows?"

and

"Well, I aways wanted to drive over the Lions Gate bridge." (not on our scheduled route)

one more

"At least we know how to get to Stanley Park now."

****for the record-I knew we had to turn right on W. Georgia to get to the hotel but I couldn't get into the lane so we went left... and for a drive.

On our hotel:

"Isn't that the parking lot they torched the cops cars in during the riot? Wow, you can still see the burn marks."

On this journey was my little sister, identified above as LH - my friend JM and myself. Good times had by all! We had gone down for a concert but were equally stoked to check out some other sights of interest: Canuck Outlet Store, The Canuck Store, RollerGirl and Stanley Park / the Sea Wall. It was a lot of driving and at times, an adventure!

Oh Christmas tree

It's that time of year again... Christmas tree time. If you have learned anything about me so far - it's that I am picky and there is almost always a method and some madness.(that is how the saying goes, right).

Step one: Choosing of the tree.
Hit the tree lots early, so they haven't sat long nor had a chance to freeze as that increases the likelihood of the needles staying on the tree. Don't go for those cultured trees,  (bah, our forefathers didn't have cultured trees! They had a saw, some boots and a truck load of excited kids cheering him on) go for the au-natural beauties with there gaps and flaws. They will be awesome viewing holes later on. Watch for present clearance under the tree and definitive star placement top.

Step two: preliminary steps
Fresh cut the trunk, (all the better to drink the water my dear) and trim any wild limbs. Water the sucker now-she'll be thirsty! Check lights, make sure they twinkle. Check balls, make sure they will hang nicely (with hooks perv) and unroll the cohesive knots of garland.

Step three: Adding the twinkle.
Lights first! First set wrapped around the trunk all the way up - adds depth and inner glow to your master piece. The consecutive strands can ease out to the outer branches. Add star/angel. Hark you cry, that goes last!!! Thsssp, get over it-much more pratical to do now seeing as it plugs into the lights.

Step Four: Garland!
Sparkley snakes of tinsely goodness! Wrapping around the tree leaving perfect draping designs-it is key here to set back and give it a look. Keep it even, keep it level (nothing more annoying than garland that crosses layers like that over achiever in math class) and makes sure it goes all the way up. If you have left overs, they make wonderful boas for a few moments of glam.

Step Five: Hanging your balls.
Now, bulb placement is an art. No two bulbs of similar design together, mix shiny with matte finish. Do not under value the importance of specialty ornaments!!! My tree is sporting "first home 2006"  and various ornimants given to me by others. Makes my tree uber personal as friends and family are apart of my festive season. Looking at my tree I see  Tina, Brandy, Kari-An, Uncle Dave & Auntie Melinda, Grandma G, Grandma K, Eileen, Jane and my parents. Seeing as  I  finding myself missing many of those people, it's nice they are apart of my Christmas.
Make sure you stand back and watch for bare spots-we need even distribution, all around the tree.  Don't be afraid to put some in those (once imperfections) branch gaps that are now lit up like a glowing cave if wonder and merriment.

Last: tinsel
All trees must have tinsel, adds shine and holiday stress relief when you can curse the stuff for sucking to your clothes whenever you walk by. Drape the tinsel kiddies, no clumps! It is to look like icicles forming down your tree (albeit, very shiny icicles). It will glitter and reflect your strategically placed lights and add twinkle to the bulbs.
Once more, take a set back- no bare spots people!

Now, light her up and bask in the same glow you've been basking in since you were a wee kidlet and just finished decorating with your sibs. In my case, my two sisters and baby brother. Dad manning the lights and star, mom supervising tinsel allotments. Passing onto Darryl the pearls of wisdom Uncle Dave passed to

Me ( blow the tinsel and let it land naturaly) helping Tina, and Lisa put their bulbs near the top of the tree.... as they were too short to reach. Ahhh memories.

All these things linger in my mind as a gaze at my tree. One of the few things that still blow my mind.

Oh, and since I am Canadian and I have celebrated this way in this country all my life: Christmas Christmas Christmas, Santa Santa Santa, Christmas Season HO HO HO, God Bless Baby Jesus and I will have a nativity scene, thanks. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Adventures in purse shopping.

Like crawling through the waste lands of useless baggage... Such is purse shopping. (Possibly more difficut then bra shopping but greatfully not as intimate.) Lost in the land of sub par shoulder adornments, you find yourself going in circles: too big, too small, too plain, too shiny, too-sweet Jesus not white!!!!

This process could take many days, many stores and many frustrated sales people but the purse isn't something to be rushed. I know I carry a great deal of my life in mine so it must be right.

Then.

You find it.

In the novels when a warrior finds his true sword it is described as becoming an extension of his arm, balanced perfectly to his swing and the hilt molding perfectly to his hand. If you prefer wand lore, the wand has chosen the wizard and responds to the inner intentions of the bearer and sparks fly.

That, is how to best describe to discovery of MY new purse. An extension of my arm and able to fulfill not only my carrying needs, but also my personal taste and style. Hark, there is the pocket for mine own cell phone, beside it a pocket for cosmetics and around the side a hidden compartment or feminine needs. Not flashy, not boring and most certainly not my mothers purse...

You are the one. The one purse that trumps them all. My precious, my new purse.